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Author Topic: In Need of Chizuk Please (asap)
2funny

Dating Maven

Posts: 69
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Post In Need of Chizuk Please (asap)
on: June 6, 2014, 6:42 PM

I just got a call from someone letting me know that one of my closest friend just had a baby. Mazal Tov!

But I can't say Mazal Tov. I feel hurt. Not by her or anyone but because I could have also been married and start having my family already. I mentioned this to my mother because she was there when i recieved the phone call and she was like "really?!". Ouch.

I'm very happy for my friend of course. I wish her a lot of nachas for her and her whole family. I guess the hurt came becasue the news was so unexpected. We lost contact after she got married. As much as I tried to be in touch with her she just seemed to have forgotten all about me. This hurt because we were really close friends. She was one of my closest friends. My high school was pretty small and she attended a different high school. She was like my only friend out of school and now it seemed like she disapeared.

I didnt really mind that she wasnt keeping in touch while she first got married because it was pretty much expected and she was also in a different country. So i gave her her space. Then after a year of being married she moves back in to town and I did not recieve a single phone call from her.
I only keep getting updates from her mother since our mothers talk to eachother every so often.
And now comes the bombshell. She had a baby and mother informs us to come to the bris.
Again, my "friend" doesnt even bother to tell me about her simcha. I think that if only she involved me i wouldnt have felt so hurt and like an outsider. I would have loved to lend a hand, help her shopping, errands etc.

If anyone has any words of chizzuk (asap, bris is very soon) i would appreciate it. I literally found out today that bris is on sunday.

CS

Dater

Posts: 19
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Post Re: In Need of Chizuk Please (asap)
on: June 7, 2014, 11:56 PM

Wow that's so hard!!! And I do know how you're feeling - it hurts that we're not at that stage yet while our friends are, it hurts because we're "jealous" - in a good way, but it hurts even more when news like this is unexpected. I totally hear you, I've felt the same way myself. It's hard. But I would try getting in touch with her again anyways. I feel like you are in a situation where you have the opportunity to give, to help her out, especially if she lives in the same city as you and as I've seen with past experience - when you help out and/or give to someone is some way you feel more part of it and good - and the other person is appreciative which helps things out. I don't know the whole situation but sounds like you guys are just two good friends who fell out of touch because of some life changes, especially moving to a new country. So I would say to give it another try - you never know I see that some of my friends aren't as much in touch sometimes because they're busy and they're not sure if everything is the same now that we're in two different stages of life... whatever so could just be she felt uncomfortable or something but now that she has a baby, and I've seen this with a few of my friends, they become more of the young family vs the young newlyweds and things change. Maybe go to the bris? If you're too hurt for that or too uncomfortable or not sure how you would feel about that, maybe buy her a baby present put in a nice note with something saying you'd love to help out in any way you can or whatever and then see what happens. Good luck!!

2funny

Dating Maven

Posts: 69
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Post Re: In Need of Chizuk Please (asap)
on: June 8, 2014, 11:04 AM

Thank you so much cs.
"Jealous" might be a good description of how I feel even though it's embarrassing to admit. I'm gonna take your advice and buy a gift. I'll see how I feel once I get there and if I'm comfortable enough to stay or not. Thanks again cs!

CS

Dater

Posts: 19
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Post Re: In Need of Chizuk Please (asap)
on: June 8, 2014, 1:09 PM

Good luck! I hope everything works out well!

in the gap

Dating Maven

Posts: 164
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Post Re: In Need of Chizuk Please (asap)
on: June 8, 2014, 10:13 PM

Hatzlocho! I know the feeling, it is very hard! Just realise that she probably feels at least as guilty for the fact that she has a baby and you don't, as you are jealous. If you ACT happy for her, (you don't have to tell her what goes on behind your closed door), then she will feel more comfortable around you and will most likely wish to pick up your relationship from where it left off. I find that in general many of my married friends feel like they have no friends once they get married as they don't know if they are "allowed" to continue those relationships with their single friends unless if the single girl says something first. Therefore, this is your chance to renew a good friendship!

blueberry

Dater

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Post Re: In Need of Chizuk Please (asap)
on: June 10, 2014, 6:30 PM

That's so hard but as in the gap said, i've heard from some married friends that they feel uncomfortable continuing relationships after they get married cuz they feel bad "flaunting" their married life to a single friend. It's very unsettling to be around someone who you think is jealous or uncomfortable around you so they just avoid the situation. But, sadly everyone loses in the end. You should definitely reach out a little but don't overdo it, just enough for her to know that you are interested but you are not a deseparate nebach case, its gonna be a two way relationship like it was, she's not doing you a favour by being your freind. ALso, not to defend her for ignoring you but you never know what kind of stresses she has in her life and marriage. It's a huge adjustment and harder for some than others. Hatzlacha!

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