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Author Topic: I JUST DONT GET IT
Esti

Dating Maven

Posts: 59
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Post I JUST DONT GET IT
on: April 10, 2013, 3:49 AM

Please help me understand. It's enough already. Talk, talk, and more talk!

I HAVE FOUR MARRIED SISTERS

ALL OF MY BROTHER IN LAWS ARE SITTING AND LEARNING IN BIG YESHIVAS

I DON'T HAVE ANY BROTHERS

I HAVE BEEN IN THE PARSHA FOR A WHILE

MY BROTHER IN LAWS KNOW ME VERY WELL AS A PERSON AND THEY KNOW WHAT TYPE OF BOY I AM LOOKING FOR

AND
They have never redt me one boy! 🙁
Am I the only one?

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
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Post Re: I JUST DONT GET IT
on: April 10, 2013, 9:10 AM

That sounds really frustrating. I can't relate to the situation (although I'm not the oldest, I do not have any married siblings) I just wanted to ask if maybe it is possible that they have thought of different ideas but for someone reason it didn't get far enough for you to hear about it? Maybe they suggested some names to your parents (of sisters) and were told that it's definitely a no an not even worth mentioning to you?

gold

Dating Maven

Posts: 77
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Post Re: I JUST DONT GET IT
on: April 10, 2013, 8:16 PM

some people dont have a knack for redting shidduchim, thinking of suitable boys, etc...yes, i am sure it is very frustrating that the people who are so close to you seem to be oblivious, but maybe you can hint or even say outright, something like: so, have you met any nice boys in yeshiva recently? also, like "ithink" mentioned, u never know what has been going on behind the scenes, if they have tried working on things, which never came to fruition, but from ur post, it seems like they're totally out of it....b'hatzlacha!

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: I JUST DONT GET IT
on: April 10, 2013, 9:30 PM

i agree with gold. maybe you need to just talk straight with your sibs-in-law, remind them that ur single and still available, and remind them what ur looking for in a boy. since you specifically mentioned ur brothers in law, i just want to reiterate- they are guys. sometimes what seems so obvious to you totally goes over their heads if they are not reminded.

life123

Dating Pro

Posts: 324
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Post Re: I JUST DONT GET IT
on: April 10, 2013, 10:56 PM

I wouldn't wait around for the guys to remember on their own... ask your sisters to look for boys for you, and they can ask their husbands

Esti

Dating Maven

Posts: 59
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Post Re: I JUST DONT GET IT
on: April 11, 2013, 1:54 AM

thanks for all your posts but where are they living if not in the present? Do they not remember my single status when they see me? What do they think..to leave it to shadchanim? I think they just need to put in the effort and realize that making shidduchim should not be left solely to shadchanim. I will speak to my mother, maybe that woud be a good route.

happy gal

Dater

Posts: 14
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Post Re: I JUST DONT GET IT
on: April 11, 2013, 2:08 AM

Esti, welcome to shidduchim..don't know how long you have been in the Parsha but I have so far spent 5 years of life there. People are not chasing after you..you need to go after them. It's not fun and I wouldn't order it that way but that's just the way it is. Sometimes you need to put yourself out there and say hey..I'm single waiting to get married. Married siblings are so busy with their own lives..their husbands,jobs, kids and just life in general that they simply don't even think about shidduchim. Even sometimes when a suggestion is right in front of their eyes they need to be told exactly what to do. Please don't take it personally when they just idly sit by..they are simply ignorant and if your wondering if they remember their single days (if they had any) the answer is no. There are options available though that is if you want to "put yourself out there" as I mentioned earlier. That would mean actually approaching them and saying hey, can I tell you what type of boy to look out for? Do you know anyone from those circles? Do you know guys who are dating. Your goal is to just get them thinking. You don't have to limit that type of conversation to just them,you can start a conversation with your boss, or neighbor too. Anyway, enough said and you get the idea. Hope I was helpful, Good Luck!

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
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Post Re: I JUST DONT GET IT
on: April 11, 2013, 11:49 AM

Esti just want to say that it makes perfect sense that you feel this way. Happy gal makes a good point about putting yourself out there and all that. But it's not fair to say that siblings forget or are too busy. As siblings it's there job to think about you and help out. Even if it means letting you know that they're keeping their eyes and ears open but nothing interesting has come up yet. It what siblings do. And I think it may be a good idea to let your sisters know how you feel. Sisters are the truest friends and it would be a shame to let resentment get in the way of your relationship.

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: I JUST DONT GET IT
on: April 11, 2013, 6:55 PM

also, besides for b-i-l's needing reminders- you must remind shadchanim! i just reminded two shadchanim i met, and they thanked me for doing my hishtadlus and said it was really good to keep reminding them, this way i stay in front of their minds.

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