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Author Topic: Hes Not For Me!
Bracha

Dating Maven

Posts: 62
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Post Hes Not For Me!
on: June 24, 2013, 9:11 AM

I don't get it! Why doesn't my mother understand I just don't like him! I don't want to marry someone I don't enjoy spending time with! Just because he looks like a nice boy at the door doesn't mean he's for me!

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: Hes Not For Me!
on: June 24, 2013, 9:52 AM

Want to tell us more about it?

daysfan24

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: Hes Not For Me!
on: June 24, 2013, 10:22 AM

Just explain your the one that's going to walk down the isle to marry him and it's your choice and your choice only! My parents can give me advice but ultimately its my decision and no one can force me to like someone I don't like. HOWEVER, it's important that they do like him and if they don't thats a different story. But, if your the one that's not feeling it then I don't think there's anything to discuss... 🙂

Bracha

Dating Maven

Posts: 62
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Post Re: Hes Not For Me!
on: June 24, 2013, 8:45 PM

Quote from patcha on June 24, 2013, 9:52 AM
Want to tell us more about it?

See that's the thing I don't really have more to say. I have nothing against him he's just so obviously not my type. He's like a little nerdy, not a really good conversationalist.... he's just not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with..

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: Hes Not For Me!
on: June 25, 2013, 12:26 PM

Quote from Bracha on June 24, 2013, 8:45 PM

Quote from patcha on June 24, 2013, 9:52 AM
Want to tell us more about it?

See that's the thing I don't really have more to say. I have nothing against him he's just so obviously not my type. He's like a little nerdy, not a really good conversationalist.... he's just not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with..

So you're not attracted to him, do not see any potential for a relationship, and are certain that he's not your bashert. But your mother wants you married off and doesn't see the problem. Is that the issue?

Bracha

Dating Maven

Posts: 62
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Post Re: Hes Not For Me!
on: June 25, 2013, 1:05 PM

Well she says that I never liked anyone and maybe I don't know what it means to like someone. But I disagree I haven't gone on that many dates and I am sure that when I meet the right one I will like him.

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
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Post Re: Hes Not For Me!
on: June 25, 2013, 2:03 PM

Bracha, here are some good 😉 tips.

1) you are the one thats getting married and spending the rest of your life with him iy"H. So make sure you can be happy with that.
2) marriage is a two way relationship, you both should enjoy each others company. If you dont then he wont.
3) speak to a Rav or mentor about it
4) ask someone close to you and your mother to explain how you feel about it to your mother.
Hatzlacha rabba! May you find the right one in the right time and may he be someone you respect and enjoy being with! 🙂

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: Hes Not For Me!
on: June 25, 2013, 5:33 PM

Quote from Bracha on June 25, 2013, 1:05 PM
Well she says that I never liked anyone and maybe I don't know what it means to like someone. But I disagree I haven't gone on that many dates and I am sure that when I meet the right one I will like him.

It sounds like you know what you need. Good for you standing up for yourself.

I think you should talk to your mother.
Ask your mother, "Ima, do you want me to get married?"
She'll say yes, of course.
You'll say,
"Thank you Ima. I know you want me to get married because you care about me and want me to live a happy life serving Hashem.
"And I know that you put a lot of effort into researching dates and setting them up, and it's very time consuming and you want to see me settled. I appreciate this effort and I also very much want to get married.
"But I am the one who is involved in this relationship, and only I can really make this decision. And I can tell that this boy is not what I need. I won't make him a good wife and he isn't what I'm looking for in a husband.
"Please respect my feelings and do not pressure me to continue dating him."

Just saying what you feel helps clear the air and will help you and your mother have a good relationship where she feels appreciated and you feel validated.

laykay

Dating Maven

Posts: 96
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Post Re: Hes Not For Me!
on: June 28, 2013, 12:09 PM

Bracha - been there done that! Just put ur foot down and say no! You'll see a few days later ur mother will be like .. ." Ur right he wasn't for u" and she'll tot be over it. Mother sometimes get caught up in the moment too unless there is flashing neon stop sign she never understands why I say no.

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