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Author Topic: giving up
justdoit

Dater

Posts: 23
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Post giving up
on: March 28, 2016, 12:16 AM

I mentally have given up on my shidduch parsha a bit over a month ago. All my other friends are in shidduchim/ getting married at this point. I have been in the parsha for a few years now and have not met one single guy. I have shifted around hashkafically a bit but now, where I am holding and am to stay- it doesn't exist on the market. I am done.

Esther

Dating Maven

Posts: 79
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Post Re: giving up
on: March 28, 2016, 1:03 PM

We all feel like this sometimes. Shidduchim can make us feel so defeated! I try to remind myself that he is out there somewhere, the time is just not ripe yet. Don't ever convince yourself that the guy for you doesn't exist there is someone out there for each of us. Also, if you haven't met anyone yet, maybe you are going about it the wrong way?

just pray

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Post Re: giving up
on: March 28, 2016, 2:04 PM

I went through similar issues with shidduhcim. I grew up in a very yeshivish family, but I am not very yeshivish and my parents didn't really know what they were supposed to say to shadchanim. I found much more success with online dating. Have you tried sawyouatsinai.com? I get dates all the time from there and it's so much less painfull then the whole shidduch process IMHO. I feel like the shidduch system works great for people that are xyz, but those that aren't, not so much. But there are a lot of other options out there.

justdoit

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Posts: 23
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Post Re: giving up
on: March 28, 2016, 10:57 PM

I am a BT, I could swing the super-chilled end of BP, but if I wasn't gonna head that direction, then I would be "Modern Chassidish" as opposed to "Modern Yeshivish". The thing though is that I went to a very frum HS and most of my friends are FFBs. I know in-laws are supposed to be awkward regardless of religious background, but I have a hard time relating to baalei teshuva b/c of my mostly Jewish education and the like. I used to be more open to BTs until I had a phone date with a guy and knew I was not going to be able to handle a marriage with comments of envy over day school ed when I am planning on only sending to day school. If I go for a stam chassidishe FFB in BP, then there is a divorce trap issue... Not so many guys go from SAR to BP either. And saying heimishe conjures up the image of a chaim berlin guy which if I am not going BP-style is too shtark for me.

Esther

Dating Maven

Posts: 79
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Post Re: giving up
on: March 30, 2016, 8:58 AM

Wow, interesting! I am from out of town, so all those terms don't mean that much to me. Of course in my circles there is yeshivish, more modern, and BT, but the Chassidish bend to it, I just don't get. Are you Chassidish? Are you only looking for someone chassidish? If not, I would try some out of town guys. Out of town you have the open minded 'we don't all have to fit into the same box' type, while still being solid and frum. It sounds like this is more of what you need. I am happy to give you names of Shadchanim in my town if you would like. Hatzlacha!

in the gap

Dating Maven

Posts: 164
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Post Re: giving up
on: March 31, 2016, 8:22 PM

I would say you should look into Chaim Berlin, only the more chilled, not so shtark ones. I have heard that they don't only have Yeshivish there, but a whole group that didn't really fit in there. OR you can look for a tuna biegel/chaveirim type of boy. That might be more your type; the heimish very chilled chassidim. If you pm me, I can give you more of a direction to find them.

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