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Author Topic: Concerned Strangers
chappy613

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Posts: 14
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Post Concerned Strangers
on: December 15, 2014, 11:38 AM

Why is it considered helpful and considerate for complete strangers who I just met to ask me a long list of personal and prying details about everything from money to a detailed list of family details and back to money again, and then a complete family and life history, simply because they 'might have an idea for me' because I am single I am not entitled to personal boundaries and privacy? Why do they need to know my whole life and then some, unless I am going to be dating them? 😐 Just feeling a little bit invaded...

justdoit

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Post Re: Concerned Strangers
on: January 11, 2015, 8:00 PM

I think it is important to use your discretion about what to share with people when people choose to do shidduch interviews. Meaning, for sure highlight any major achievements you have had and try to speak more about your recent past few years and more about yourself than your family. It is important to acknowledge your personal struggles but generally if you have not told any of your closest friends about a specific detail in the past two-three years that was significant, then it does not need to be shared with the shadchan because you moved on. I personally find that there are rarely any shadchanim who even take the time to interview. In regards to money, unless your parents are going to support you after you get married even partially for an extended period of time, I would only speak about your job/ college education.

chappy613

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Post Re: Concerned Strangers
on: January 17, 2015, 10:45 PM

The particular incident that made me post my little venting rant wasn't even a shidduch interview! It was a lady who met em at a chasunah and was being'helpful' by asking me every person al detail of my life, and when I said the questions were a little more detailed in regards to every last detail of my entire extended family as well as monetary questions etc. then I was willing to discuss right there/then she wanted to know what I was hiding and mentioned that if I really wanted to get married I would be more cooperative with people who might know someone for me.
I guess I have to just remember she was trying to be helpful..
But hues I tend to agree with everything you wrote.

justdoit

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Post Re: Concerned Strangers
on: January 19, 2015, 4:19 PM

I totally hear that. I do agree with the idea of people having a lack of manners in these cases being a problem. I have had had a number of shidduch interviews in which people would ask extremely inappropriate questions- I refuse to work with these shadchanim.

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