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Author Topic: Can I take a break??
Bracha613

Dating Maven

Posts: 175
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Post Can I take a break??

So, I am not sure really where to write this but venting is definitely what I need to do right now..and for the next hour. To make a long story short I put a lot time and effort into a relationship that just ended. Thanks for your sympathy but right now I think I just need to let myself be. I was wondering if it's fair to just take a break..like not want to deal with shidduchim for like 6 months. I know your thinking its too long but I guess I should call it burnout. I am just afraid of one thing and for that I turn to you..my loyal inshidduchim cyber space friends. This question scares me and that is why I need to know if I can go ahead with it first. could taking a six month break be pushing off my bashert??? Or could I possibly loose my Bashert? Meaning, that if I am not available to him will he be going out with others instead? These questions kind of scare me and that is why I feel that I just got to keep going, except that I can't. Anyway, waiting in my sorry state to hear back..looking forward!

Shaindy

Dating Maven

Posts: 67
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Post Re: Can I take a break??

I say tell yourself your taking a break for about a month and that at the end of the month, you'll re-evaluate. You may see things differently in month's time. Good Luck!

shono

Dater

Posts: 14
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Post Re: Can I take a break??

i agree with shaindy- a month's break is very reasonable and will definitely give you time to clear the air. i was in the same boat as you around a month ago.. ended a month long relationship that i put a ton into and i felt like i can never trust a guy again... but now im back in the shidduch world and i feel if im not in the shidduch world then i would never get married so i needed to push myself back in... also i feel like sometimes i can go months at a time without even a suggestion so there is kinda break at those times as well.. and of course while taking my break a bunch of suggestions came in... just take it one day at a time... its so hard! i am right there with you!

2funny

Dating Maven

Posts: 69
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Post Re: Can I take a break??

Here is what happened when I didnt take a much needed break: I was dating a guy for almost a month and a half and ended it there. I was wondering if I made the right decision but after thinking about it I was certain it wasnt for me and I was just going through the motions. Yet I was still very emotional and when I went on my new date I was not myself at all. When I went back to date other people It felt strange that I was going out with another guy. There was only one date with this new guy and I felt like I just missed a great opportunity to meet someone great. I felt like this guy was the type of guy that I was looking for but that I didnt pass because i wasnt myself.

I say take your break. If you feel that you might miss your bashert, Hashem has His ways of making sure you cross paths with him because He knows what is best for you. You will meet him at the right time and when you are ready. Take a month and reavaluate yourself and what you are looking for. B'Hatzlacha, and don't be afraid that you will miss your bashert. You will miss him anyways if you date and you werent ready for him.

Bayla

Dating Maven

Posts: 84
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Post Re: Can I take a break??

I would say to take your break but with Seichel. Meaning don't just make it known that your not dating. A six month break sounds unreasonably long for someone who is really searching to get married but I do feel that a break is crucial after dating a guy for while. I do want to say that I feel that guys are different. There are so many times when guys I dated for a while..or guys my friends dated for a while break off and then like three weeks later he's engaged. Get that! and I hear it so often! I am assuming that guys don't hold on to things like we do and they can easier move on..make sense?

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
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Post Re: Can I take a break??
on: May 19, 2013, 3:15 PM

Bayla that does make sense. Bracha 613 i understand that you are totally not interested in dating anyone for a while. but you shouldnt just say no to anything that comes up for 6 months!! thats a long time. like the others said 1 month is a great start, and like Shaindy said you will revaluate then. If you need some more time that OK too. But please dont wait too long before you continue. life goes on.. Hatzlacha! 🙂

Cherry

Dating Maven

Posts: 98
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Post Re: Can I take a break??
on: May 19, 2013, 10:03 PM

I would say, move on forget about him... He's forgotten about you and has probably gone out with a few other girls since....

Dating would help fill this void.. I advise to Put commitment on 'Break' rather than dating... put it on the backburner and if it comes up it'll be a pleasant surprise but don't keep it at the forefront of your mind... continue to date and have fun... that's what it's all about... put the in depth discussions on hold.... and be chilled and have fun... if it's mutual after a little while... start discussing typical shidduch topics... when u feel emotionally safe.. Hatzlacha 😀

rosepetal5

Dating Maven

Posts: 163
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Post Re: Can I take a break??
on: May 28, 2013, 3:07 PM

I say do what you need to do for yourself. If you're feeling burned out, take a break. Concentrate on yourself. Breathe, pamper yourself, whatever you do to make yourself better.
If you're feeling so burned out that you can't go into other dates like your normal self, than you definitely need to take time off. Get back to being yourself, then you can decide if you're ready to get back into it.

bibliophil-
e02

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: Can I take a break??
on: November 18, 2013, 6:38 AM

For sure you should take a break if you need one. Hashem will send you your bashert at the right time.

As far as how long the break should be, don't attach a number to it. Just take a break for as long as you need. When you are ready to start dating again, you'll feel it.

I've totally been where you are and I know how much it hurts. Initially you feel like you've lost your bashert and you'll never, ever find someone else. But time is the best medicine. Eventually you will feel excited about going out with someone else and you'll even find, when you do go out, that you enjoy it and don't think at all about the other guy. You just need to make sure you let yourself heal before you try that.

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