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Author Topic: Anyone else fall for...
daysfan24

Dating Maven

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Post Anyone else fall for...
on: July 31, 2013, 9:52 AM

So I have a few things that really bothered me about this guy I went on a date with.... First of all, this was from online, so its a bit different but pretty much the same in terms of dating etiquette. Anyways, I talked to this boy for about an hr on the phone. It seemed great and I was really interested just based on hearing him and seeing his profile, I can tell he had a lot of what I was looking for. He emailed the shadchen and asked if i'll be in NY and I replied to the shadchen a few days later telling her to tell him I'm going to be there over a particular weekend (Yes I went up first for the first date). Moreover, he doesn't give me a second call but instead that motzei shabbos when i'm in NY at MIDNIGHT texts me " hi, so I heard your in town". Long story short, I said yes, and he made the date right there on a text message for the next night. He also couldn't find his car when he picked me up the next day and we went walking for twenty minutes in the rain, which was weird too..

Regardless, I ended up really liking this guy.. it turns out he didn't like me. I was so incredibly hurt. And usually I can tell if the guy is feeling it too, I really thought he was. And I guess I was completely off. I always fall for the guys who don't like me. It's absolutely amazing. The guys who are great and nice and I wish I could, I just don't. I want a great catch and for some reason the ones that I think that are obviously are not but I'm so blinded that I still end up liking them. When I found out he wasn't interested, I was so hurt. It was only one date, but i felt crushed, especially when I thought he was just as interested... 🙁 It's just so hard for me to find someone I like, and when I do, it turns out that the one in a few in which I fell for doesn't like me. It stinks...
Anyone else experience something like this?

dazzleme21

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Post Re: Anyone else fall for...
on: July 31, 2013, 4:50 PM

I had the opposite I could tell the guy really liked me and I was just being nice.It was only one date,but the shadchan told me that it broke his heart to tell the boy I said no ,because he really wanted to go out again.He probably felt the same way as you.I felt bad but I wasnt going to go out again if I didnt think he was for me. 🙁

daysfan24

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Post Re: Anyone else fall for...
on: July 31, 2013, 5:47 PM

Yeah of coarse! It's hard, because I'm never on the receiving end of it. I am usually the one to notice the guy liking me or not. Sometimes you can't tell. And I really thought it was mutual this time and we were both interested. But, he was probably just being nice, like you said... It's hard when its not mutual and one party falls deep. It's especially hard to get rejected by the one you like. 😡

dazzleme21

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Post Re: Anyone else fall for...
on: August 1, 2013, 12:43 AM

ye it is 🙁 ,but remeber every person brings you one step closer to your bashert/zivug/soulmate ! 😀

Princess-
Lea

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Post Re: Anyone else fall for...
on: August 1, 2013, 9:58 AM

"I want a great catch and for some reason the ones that I think that are obviously are not but I'm so blinded that I still end up liking them."

This guy behaved very badly. VERY badly. He had been definitely informed way beforehand that you were in town, sends you a text in the dead of night claiming to "hear you were in town," and not finding his car sounds kind of lame.

You say that the guys you think are great catches are obviously not, but you still like them.

I don't want to make a snap judgment here, but mammelah, your self-esteem needs a boost.

A great catch treats everyone with respect and consideration. A great catch is not the one who treats a girl like an afterthought. Anyone who behaves so badly on a date, when he is supposed to be sitting up straight and acting his best, is probably worse when he is on his own turf.

You do not want to be a doormat. You want to be cherished. Any man who pretends not to know that you were in town and makes no advance preparations for a date should not be liked. At all.

It is very possible not to like "that way" every nice guy you go out with, but if you only like the ones who treat you badly, that is a problem.

All of us are a bundle of good and bad qualities. ALL of us. But how he behaved isn't even about that. He had no manners. None. He is supposed to treat every girl he goes out with with respect and consideration, and he didn't.

If you consider yourself to be a mannerly young lady, you have a right to expect manners in your date. That most for starters.

daysfan24

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Post Re: Anyone else fall for...
on: August 1, 2013, 10:38 AM

Thanks dazzleme21, very true!

Princesslea- I totally agree. I usually wouldn't put up with such behavior and it wasn't even like I ignored it. It DID bother me, HOWEVER, I did see a lot of potential and he wasn't rude nor respectful on the phone. Therefore, I gave it a chance.. But, I still deep down had that gut feeling ok this is not how someone should behave to me.

With that being said - I do think my self-esteem does need a boost. I always tend to think this is what I got, so I have to be appreciative and grab onto every opportunity I get. Even though, I know I have a lot to offer someone, and I have been on dates where the guy truly liked me and wanted to go out. Something inside is still there that doesn't truly believe that or there is another underlying problem going on, but can't seem to figure it out. If that makes any sense.. I know I should be treated well, and I do expect that and want that.

But, I don't know what drew me to this guy and despite his actions, I still fell for him. I don't think I generally just fall for THOSE specific type. I do know how I should be treated. So I'm not sure whats going on. I just wish I could fall for the ones that do treat me well! But, they didn't excite me like this guy did. I'm happy he did say no, though, because I would've continued and it would've probably just been even worse as time moved on. Maybe I like the chase, which is awful, and I shouldn't. But that could be the problem.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Anyone else fall for...
on: August 2, 2013, 12:06 AM

Personally, I think I fall for the more exciting guys rather than the good guys. Texting you what he did at midnight? Shmoozing for an hour on the phone before you even met him? Having a weird bonding walk in the rain? Etc... (You can probably add to this list if you thought about things honestly.) All these things say "exciting," and I'd guess that that's why you liked him. If you dated him for longer you'd come to realize that he's not the guy you want to marry. Lucky for you, he was the one who ended it so it didn't turn into this long agonizing process where you keep dating because you like him even though something's telling you he wouldn't make a good husband.

daysfan24

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Post Re: Anyone else fall for...
on: August 2, 2013, 12:43 AM

So very true thinkingBY-girl. It is the excitement that I guess drew me into him. I definitely need that, as I know I want to be kept on my toes, but someone who knows how to treat me right at the same time.

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