Forums

Suggest a New Forum Category

Welcome Guest 

Show/Hide Header

Welcome Guest, posting in this forum requires registration.

Pages: [1]
Author Topic: When to say no
eyeroller9-
0

Dater

Posts: 20
Send Message
Post When to say no
on: December 22, 2013, 12:47 PM

Should I say yes to a guy who has different standards than me as far as tv/movies? His profile looks good but we clearly have different standards. Do I give it a shot or does that call for an immediate no?

howmuchlon-
ger

Dater

Posts: 13
Send Message
Post Re: When to say no
on: December 22, 2013, 7:29 PM

Hi. I never post but i went through something like this a few weeks ago.

It hard to say what you should do for sure. Sometimes if everything else is good the differences can be worked through/ resolved.

In my situation i went out with someone who according to research and calls etc should was great and i enjoyed our date alot. During the date i was able to see that we aren't in the same place hashkafically. What ended up happening is that before agreeing to a second date ( which he and I both really wanted) i wanted to find out more about his current level hashkafically. ( what we had heard was great but apparently he changed a bit as he got a bit older... he is an older single and apparently wasn't in the same place anymore)
Unfortunately based on what we found out, we were in very different places and there was no second date 🙁

The hardest part was that i liked him and i said no because i knew that isnt the level/ type of home i wanted, but it was/ is hard.

I would say to think long and hard if these are things you're ready/ interested to compromise on if everything else does work out. if the answer is no, then you may as well save yourself the heartache by saying no now. If you think it's worth pursing and then deciding, you can go that route; it just may be more difficult ( emotions etc )

Good Luck!!

devorah123

Dater

Posts: 14
Send Message
Post Re: When to say no
on: December 22, 2013, 7:43 PM

Hi I also just went through this and said no after a couple of dates because of movies/tv but it was really hard cuz I rlly liked him!!! I still wonder if I made the right decision though because everything else was so perfect and we clicked so well...

gold

Dating Maven

Posts: 77
Send Message
Post Re: When to say no
on: December 22, 2013, 10:06 PM

Wow! Kol hakavod to you both!

dschecht13

Dating Maven

Posts: 54
Send Message
Post Re: When to say no
on: December 23, 2013, 6:12 AM

Hi! So i also rarely post, but I went through something similar in the summer. Here is the question you need to ask yourself, will you be ask respect your husband if he is sitting and watching tv/movies. That can be when he is sick, or just in general after a long day thats how he chooses to relax. If you answer no, then you should not go out with him. If you answer yes or maybe then give it a shot. B'hatzlacha

dschecht13

Dating Maven

Posts: 54
Send Message
Post Re: When to say no
on: December 23, 2013, 8:05 AM

Just one more thing, there is a difference between watching tv when your single and when you are married, if the guy or girl is watching tv/movies when they are single but are firm on the idea that they do not want it in their home when they are married I would be more lenient.

howmuchlon-
ger

Dater

Posts: 13
Send Message
Post Re: When to say no
on: December 23, 2013, 2:30 PM

In my case and what i was saying wasn't specifically about tv/ movies. In general with differences in Hashkafic levels.
Which is why I said you need to think if it is something you're willing to live with...

devorah123

Dater

Posts: 14
Send Message
Post Re: When to say no
on: December 23, 2013, 2:32 PM

so we seemed to be on similar hashkafic levels, besides for the movies/tv part. I used to watch, but stopped around a year ago. I said no, but am second guessing myself now. Help!!!

dschecht13

Dating Maven

Posts: 54
Send Message
Post Re: When to say no
on: December 23, 2013, 2:57 PM

Devorah123, I totally understand where you are coming from as your situation seems very similar to the one I was in.
Are you able to respect him for where he is holding now? Do you agree on what you want your future to look like? If you answer those questions in the positive,then it may be worthwhile speaking to a mentor about this particular situation. If your answer was negative to even just the first one then you made the right decision, a guy needs to be respected. As howmuchlonger wrote can you live with this? B'hatzlacha

batsheva60-
1

Dater

Posts: 23
Send Message
Post Re: When to say no
on: March 11, 2014, 5:49 PM

If ur in a situation where you are redt to a guy who looks good on paper in all areas except for one or two small things your best option is probably to go out with him and discuss any issues that bother you with him first hand.

CS

Dater

Posts: 19
Send Message
Post Re: When to say no
on: July 10, 2014, 10:43 PM

Not sure if this works for the original poster, but I think I would bring a question like this to either our family Rav or one of my teachers or something like that - because if you really are second guessing yourself (not just because you are getting discouraged) than maybe it pays to ask someone with a higher authority just to be safe. But dshecht13's advice is pretty sound too.

Pages: [1]
Mingle Forum by cartpauj
Version: 1.0.33.3; Page loaded in: 0.091 seconds.