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Author Topic: What who is looking for
feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post What who is looking for
on: March 1, 2013, 12:23 AM

This is curious, and I was curious.

So there is a new forum for posting about yourself and about guys you know, in the hopes of making some matches so that the rest of us can be more jealous (kidding).

I noticed that the one for us is titled "Describe what you are looking for". Meanwhile, the one for boys is called "Describe a Young Man". Do you see the inconsistency? It asks us what we are looking for, and the boys who they are. It doesn't ask us who we are, nor the boys what they are looking for.

So originally, I thought whomever made the forum was completely egocentric, and thought a good relationship would be where she got what she wanted, and who cares what the boy wants. And hence my comment there.

But then, I realized she was correct. The man is the one who sets the dynamic of the marriage. He is the one who is learning or working, is leading the yiddishkeit, etc. So yes, what is important for a girl is to get the kind of guy she is looking for--that is, who will lead in the way that she wants her family to be. And what is important for a boy is to get a girl who is comfortable with who he is.

So, shkoiach.

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: What who is looking for
on: March 1, 2013, 1:22 PM

Quote from feigy123 on March 1, 2013, 12:23 AM The man is the one who sets the dynamic of the marriage. He is the one who is learning or working, is leading the yiddishkeit, etc.

Do you think this is widely true? I've had this conversation with more than one guy on dates and they each have claimed that it is the woman who is responsible for setting the tone in the home. She is the one who creates the "bayis," and in general women are more ruchniyus-inclined. I tend to agree with you that it is the man who "leads the yiddishkeit," because hopefully he is the one who is rooted (via his learning, even if it's only for a small amount of time a day) and generally the couple looks toward the guy's rebbeim for hadracha.

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: What who is looking for
on: March 3, 2013, 7:09 PM

You gotta follow his minhagim. He better know what they are.

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