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Author Topic: Parental help or lack thereof


Posts: 36
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Post Parental help or lack thereof
on: September 21, 2014, 2:59 AM

hey guys this is my first time posting
seems like this site is more by- not in a judging way just trying to feel it out.
i come from a modern orthodox home/community. yes my mom covers her hair and her knees elbows and collarbone. no my dad does not wear a black hat or white shirt black pants and he sometimes wears jeans. they are super careful thought about mitzvos and torah is so important to them and they give everything for their kids to be able to love torah and want to serve Hashem. Sometime in high school and then in Israel I became more yeshivish, my older sister also went down this path and is married and living in kollel with my parents blessing and support- both emotionally and financially. I have been in the shidduch scene for about a year i guess but have only gone out with two guys and have not had many messes. at first my parents were reluctant to let me date they thought i wasn't ready and was immature. they let me date about a year ago but any type i "misbehave" they hold not letting me date against me. also they don't really love the shidduch system- even though my sister went through this- and my mom uses that as an excuse when she doesn't make phone calls to shadchanim ro check out boys when i ask. i really want to get married and not having my parents support and help is really hard. also i don't get any messes from guys and its so frustrating.i met a couple shadchanim and want to meet more but need some names and numbers. thanks so much!!

just pray


Posts: 17
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Post Re: Parental help or lack thereof
on: September 22, 2014, 8:46 PM

I so feel for you my parents are very supportive but I have a friend whose Mother is very relaxed about the whole thing, like it takes her a few days to even start looking in to someone and in general she's just very not proactive in helping her, anyways she took it into her own hands she called Shadchanim all the time, sometimes calling the same Shadchan every two weeks and B:H she's married now.
I know it's upsetting to feel like everyone else has it better than you, but trust me everyone has their own pekila, you may not know what it is but trust me EVERYONE has it.

How many times do you only find only find out years later how someones parents had major Shalom Bayis probs. or someone was sick in the family ect.

Anyways best of luck!!! Your inshidduchim family is supporting you 😛 😛 😛 😛 😛 😛



Posts: 23
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Post Re: Parental help or lack thereof
on: September 28, 2014, 10:35 PM

I am in shidduchim alone. It may be harder to get dates this way but truthfully, I know myself best and if you are really strong its totally doable. I remember earlier this summer I was redt a guy on saw you at Sinai and he was very modern orthodox and the shadchan said it had the haskama of a major shadchan and I still said no because it was not for me. But keep in mind that sometimes even if you are the one speaking to the matchmakers, that its important to occasionally give your parents an update on how things are going (like, I am going on a daten now, or I jist got redt this guy who is totally not for me and I am really frustrated!) Also, I know a yeshivish family whose son who comes from a really good family and has been in the parsha for a year and even though he is a guy who is a vice president of a successful company and his mother said that as the mother of many boys, her sons in reality have not gone on so many dates like everyone hypes it up for girls. Some of his older brothers are married but you never really know.

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