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Author Topic: Off The Derech
Liba

Dater

Posts: 20
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Post Off The Derech
on: February 21, 2013, 11:02 PM

This happened almost a year ago but I still think about it and I want to know what you guys think. I have a neighbor who was off the derech for years doing terrible terrible things, and causing untold amount of agmos nefesh to his parents. He then came back on the derech and one year later he got engaged and now he's married TO A PERFECTLY NORMAL GIRL. It just doesn't seem right. What do you think? Would you marry someone with such a background?

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: Off The Derech
on: February 21, 2013, 11:04 PM

It doesn't seem right? It sounds like you think it is unfair. I'm concerned about that response.

Esther

Dating Maven

Posts: 79
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Post Re: Off The Derech
on: February 21, 2013, 11:41 PM

She thinks it doesn't seem right that a boy who has only been the way he is now for a year, married a girl who was that way her entire life - right? First of all, how do you know what this girl went through in her life? Maybe she's not "perfectly normal" as you said. Second, I agree with you Liba - that would get me pretty nervous too. 😕 If I was redt to such a boy, I would definitely look into him VERY well and speak with his mentors and Rebbeim.

cool nerd

Dater

Posts: 44
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Post Re: Off The Derech
on: February 22, 2013, 12:09 AM

I have a friend who went off a couple of years ago. She came back and married a guy who's always been frum. He said it's like he married a bt. She has a better understanding of Yiddishkeit than most frum people I know. I think these people are great.

bitochon25

Dater

Posts: 8
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Post Re: Off The Derech
on: February 22, 2013, 12:21 AM

What concerns me is that after being off the derech for a while how fast it happened. One year! It jsut seems like such a short time.I'd wait to see him sort of "settled" for a while before being sure that he's in it for real and is serious.

cool nerd

Dater

Posts: 44
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Post Re: Off The Derech
on: February 22, 2013, 12:24 AM

I guess you're right. That is a little extreme.

Princess-
Lea

Dating Pro

Posts: 223
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Post Re: Off The Derech
on: February 22, 2013, 1:25 PM

Quote from Liba on February 21, 2013, 11:02 PM
This happened almost a year ago but I still think about it and I want to know what you guys think. I have a neighbor who was off the derech for years doing terrible terrible things, and causing untold amount of agmos nefesh to his parents. He then came back on the derech and one year later he got engaged and now he's married TO A PERFECTLY NORMAL GIRL. It just doesn't seem right. What do you think? Would you marry someone with such a background?

How is this your business at all?

bitachon

Dating Maven

Posts: 156
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Post Re: Off The Derech
on: February 25, 2013, 11:08 AM

i rem in hs and sem that there were teachers who told us the worlds not fair. boys mess up and come back and are perfect angels get married to the best girls while the girls who do the same are branded with a bad name.
no i dont like the idea of a boy who messed up getting a great girl,,,,i worked hard to do the rt thing i want a solid frum boy... yet on the other hand Hashem accepts teshuva to the extent that its as if a person didnt do it. think of rabbi akiva who DESPISED talmidei chachmim and he became a gadol hador...plus are we perfect?
i would prob want to hear details and want solid for a number of yrs

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: Off The Derech
on: February 25, 2013, 3:46 PM

Quote from bitachon on February 25, 2013, 11:08 AM
i rem in hs and sem that there were teachers who told us the worlds not fair. boys mess up and come back and are perfect angels get married to the best girls while the girls who do the same are branded with a bad name.
no i dont like the idea of a boy who messed up getting a great girl,,,,i worked hard to do the rt thing i want a solid frum boy... yet on the other hand Hashem accepts teshuva to the extent that its as if a person didnt do it. think of rabbi akiva who DESPIED talmidei chachmim and he became a gadol hador...plus are we perfect?
i would prob want to hear details and want solid for a number of yrs

If you don't think the guy is good, then don't date him. But why does it bother you if a guy who messed up gets a great girl who is not you? If anything, it just increases your likelihood of getting what you want if the other great girls are marrying people you consider damaged.

Why is this bothering you?

bibliophil-
e02

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: Off The Derech
on: November 21, 2013, 4:48 PM

what kind of "terrible things" are we talking about, exactly?

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