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Author Topic: Mothers names
life123

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Post Mothers names
on: August 26, 2013, 7:27 PM

I was recently redt to a relative, and when they heard the idea, they were excited. Then when the shadchan sent them my resume, they said no right away, because my mother's name and the boy's mothers name is the same. I'm not devastated because I don't actually know the boy (3rd cousins) and its not something personal, so its just like any other idea, but have you ever heard of this minhag? Where does it come from? Is it part of R' Yehuda Hachassid's will?

Bracha

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 26, 2013, 8:01 PM

I'll quote myself from here 😛
http://www.inshidduchim.com/forums/the-dating-scene-group11/dating-in-general-forum44/names-thread227/

It's in Tzavis R' Yehuda Hachasid number 26 and 27 and I quote
לא ישא אשה ששמה כשם אמו או שמו כשם חמיו26 (Someone should not marry a lady who has the same name as his mother, or if he has the same name as her father)
27 ואם נשאה ישנה שם האחד אולי יש תקוה.(If they already get married one of them should change their name - which is what my friends husband did.)
As you can see it goes both ways for the boy and the girl.

life123

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 26, 2013, 8:33 PM

Thats not the story though - I don't have his mother's name, our mothers have the same name

Bracha

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 26, 2013, 8:38 PM

Woops didn't realize that! Never heard of that one!? I wonder if they are just confusing things? Maybe ask a Rav?

far rock-
gal

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 26, 2013, 10:40 PM

Never heard of it being a problem. My 2 grandmothers have the same name 😀

in the gap

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 26, 2013, 11:41 PM

I don't think that is the problem. The problem comes from that a child is not allowed to call a parent by his/her name, and that by calling his or her spouse the name of his/her parent it will desensitise him and may lead to confusions over who is who when it is dark, which can lead to serious problems. (hamavein yavin)

life123

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 27, 2013, 1:24 AM

That's totally not the problem here - I don't have his mother's name, our mothers have the same name. We knew that before but never dreamed it was a problem.

hittheroof

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 27, 2013, 3:08 PM

Neva heard of such a thing! Add it to the list of reasons to say no for!!

Princess-
Lea

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 28, 2013, 10:00 AM

My mother and my sister-in-law's mother have the same name. Of course it's not a problem! Only if the girl and the boy's mother have the same name, and it's not always "enforced." There are ways out of that too.

sarala

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 28, 2013, 7:46 PM

I heard of that actually. My aunt is very into it. She won't take mechutanim with the same name. so looks like it is a real thing- some ppl more into these things than others

Smile91

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 28, 2013, 7:59 PM

I don't think it's a halachic issue. I know of a couple, who asked a shaila when they were going out. The girl's mother had the same name as the boy's deceased mother and they were concerned bec. would want to name their daughter after his mother, but her mother (with same name) is still alive. The rav said how do you know you will have any daughters, not a reason to stop the shidduch. Well it was many years before they had a daughter, after 5 or 6 boys. B'H, her mother was still alive, so they gave an equivelant name. Ex. If mother's name was Zehava, they named their daughter Goldie. So maybe that's what they're concerned about.....

dance4ever

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Post Re: Mothers names
on: August 29, 2013, 11:04 PM

huh? thats strange - the two women in this story have nothing to do with the couples relationship... i dont see why it should be a problem...sheesh

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