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Author Topic: Lala Land or Not?
growing

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Post Lala Land or Not?
on: July 17, 2013, 9:01 PM

I have a new theory why girls don't call their friends after they get married. Marriage isn't always easy and a lot of the times they may be upset ... They know they are supposed to sound like they are in lala land but they aren't always there. What do you think?

shaynapuni-
m

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Lala Land or Not?
on: July 17, 2013, 11:41 PM

its a nice thought, but I doubt that it is a conscious decision on their part, more likely it is just that we as human beings are fickle and inconsiderate, so often it is just "out with the old and in with the new"

Moon

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Post Re: Lala Land or Not?
on: July 18, 2013, 9:59 AM

One of my friends told me that a few months after she got married, she passed by a park and sat down on the bench. Another woman was there who wished her a mazal tov on getting married and then said to her, "it's really hard isn't it? I cried every day during Shana Rishona."
My friend was just telling me how it's really not easy to adjust to a whole new way of life. As amazing as marriage is, it can be really hard and all-encompassing and it could be that girls who just got married really don't have much headspace left to deal with a whole lot of other things...

chaykie

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Post Re: Lala Land or Not?
on: July 18, 2013, 12:05 PM

agree with moon. and I wanna add something else. Us singles always read these articles/forums/essays about a girl who's upset that her married friend doesn't call her anymore...she's in lalaland...all that stuff. but we don't stop to think. What makes you think you are gonna be perfect at keeping in touch with your old friends, when you are moving on? we're just upset cuz we're single, and we can't think of one good reason that they can't call us. When we're all IY"H on the other side of the line, maybe we'll be thinking "wow, it really is tough to keep in touch. I'm trying to get used to my new husband, new family, new life, set up a new home, make breakfast, lunch and dinner every day, get a job, make myself a place in the community, make new friends, meet the neighbors, learn the new neighborhood and all of the stores i'll need..." and so much more! we just can't imagine it cuz we're single, and don't know what it's really like to be married- we can only imagine it. and what you probably imagine is when her husband is out learning, and she has nothing to do cuz he's not there, so she sits on the couch just twiddling her thumb?? no! she's for sure so busy. i just hate when ppl blame their friends for not calling once they're married, cuz who says ur gonna call all ur friends once ur married (guys i'm talking to myself too, cuz i used to think the same way)? now you say, for sure i'm gonna keep in touch, i'm not gonna let my life interfere with my friendships, but you know what? life has to happen. don't you want it to happen? if ur really close to someone and have a really special relationship, u'll both make every effort to keep in touch as often as your life and obligations allow. but truthfully, once you get married, your husband and new bayis kinda come first 🙂 And u'll definitely make more friends over the years, some even closer than your other friends. I know it's so hard to believe! sometimes it's still hard for me to believe! but you know what even since HS and sem, just about half of my hs class and a third of my sem friends have moved on. we can't always talk, but we chat on gmail, we text, it's not often- different girls settle into marriage differently, for some it's easier, for some it's harder, it doesn't mean the ones who have a harder time keeping in touch don't care about you. I'd never want any of my friends to think that of me if i can't keep in touch all the time! It would hurt me. think what it would be like once the tables are turned and your on the other side of things.

chaykie

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Lala Land or Not?
on: July 18, 2013, 12:08 PM

sorry i don't mean to come across as harsh or mussary- if i insulted anyone, i'm really sorry. it was definitely not intended.

in the gap

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Post Re: Lala Land or Not?
on: July 18, 2013, 4:09 PM

I agree with you to a degree, but i also want to add that there are girls who say they will and do keep in touch. My sister, who is over ten years out of high school, has some friends that she still keeps in touch with quite often. The girls that she does it all either were older singles themselves or had siblings that were, so they understood how it feels. I think that when there is a will there is a way.

chaykie

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Lala Land or Not?
on: July 18, 2013, 6:02 PM

yeah, i know, i have some friends who are really good about it and some not. that's what i said, if someone really wants to keep in touch they will.

daysfan24

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Post Re: Lala Land or Not?
on: July 21, 2013, 8:45 AM

I agree with you guys- It depends on the person, but if you really cherish the friendship, you both gotta make it work. Marriage is no joke and it comes with TONS of responsibilities. And Chaykie is definitely right, there are so many other factors that are going in here because marriage is a lifestyle change. I know I have a hard time with change lol, so I definitely would have to take some time to getting use too. Either way, if your friends mean everything to you, somehow you'll give a quick txt, email, or phone call saying I really want to talk but I have a lot going on with X, Y, Z and I will call when I get the chance. Something to show the person you are still thinking of them, because no matter what, it would seem like the girl who got married is neglecting their friends if she decides not to put any effort. During shana rishona, both the married girl and her friend are going through a hard time because each one is at different time in their life.

I do like to say your husband can never replace your other friends. It's a different type of relationship and of coarse your husband should also be your best friend. But, I know if I'm not going out to see my friends, I can easily get depressed. It is SO healthy to have friends in your life. So people should make an effort or they can eventually lose their friends and regret it later on...

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