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Author Topic: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
Bayla

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Post How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?

Believe it or not my parents are 15 years apart!!!!! I would never do such a thing and anything more than like four years sounds like too old..what do you say when asked if an older guy bothers you?

heyhey

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?

at your fathers bar mitzva ur mother wasnt born. AMAZING! i love pple. like that.

i wld say 7 years. but wtvr floats ur boat.

PS and are THEY happily married? maybe 15 isOK

frumgal

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: February 19, 2013, 10:52 PM

This is just one of those things that really depend on the person. Some people feel really strongly about not marrying someone that much older than them, and some say age doesn't matter. Personally 15 years older sounds like an awful lot (no offense Bayla). I'd probably feel uncomfortable if he was 4-5 years older.

daysfan24

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: June 7, 2013, 2:40 PM

I think it really really depends on the situation- I went out with someone ( my first time with someone that much older) 9 years older than me but that's only basically he was baal teshuva, so he didn't become religious until he was older. Anyways, it was fine but I always felt inferior to him just because of the age. And everyone knows the wife makes the rules in the house ( well at least in my perspective I believe lol) Anyways, the age ultimately got in the way at the end, on both parts. I don't know if it would've worked out or if not we continued... Or maybe I'm just the type of person that needs to have someone around my age that I feel comfortable and understand were both growing up together in ways. It really depends on the person though.. As of now, I say 4, or 5, give or take.

feigy123

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: June 7, 2013, 4:30 PM

I wouldn't date someone more than a year and a half or so older than myself. And as I get older, that number gets smaller.

patcha

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: June 7, 2013, 5:09 PM

I've always had a 10 year spread. In both directions, unless it's illegal. So as I get older the number of possible people to date gets larger.

basmelech

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: June 7, 2013, 5:13 PM

Quote from feigy123 on June 7, 2013, 4:30 PM
I wouldn't date someone more than a year and a half or so older than myself. And as I get older, that number gets smaller.

Feigy123 dont you think that is being a little too specific (a year and a half)? ; )

feigy123

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: June 7, 2013, 5:19 PM

Quote from basmelech on June 7, 2013, 5:13 PM

Quote from feigy123 on June 7, 2013, 4:30 PM
I wouldn't date someone more than a year and a half or so older than myself. And as I get older, that number gets smaller.

Feigy123 dont you think that is being a little too specific (a year and a half)? ; )

Well you need to draw an arbitrary line somewhere. And that is my current arbitrary line.

patcha

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: June 7, 2013, 5:21 PM

If people weren't specific, no one would ever be able to decide who to marry.

in the gap

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Posts: 164
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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: June 7, 2013, 6:51 PM

I think that one should have rules, but look at each case separately. If it is your bashert, then you don't want to turn them down just because of his age.

daysfan24

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: June 8, 2013, 10:54 PM

I agree with you in the gap- each case separately. You don't want to be too picky that your closing too many doors. If it sounds really good, why not. Unless the age gap was a huge significance and one knows him or herself and chooses definitely not too for various reasons. Also I found as I got older, I definitely got more open minded, as when I was younger my perceptions of ages changes of coarse.

tzunah

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: June 8, 2013, 11:20 PM

I have two aunts and uncles who it seemed to me were happily married who were 10 years apart. It seems like it was a good decision for them, so i think people should be open minded and not refuse suggestions only because of the age. I, also, know a newly married chasan and kallah where the kallah is three years older than the chasan. So keep your minds open!

bibliophil-
e02

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: November 21, 2013, 7:27 AM

I also say about 10 years in either direction as long as it's legal. Although I did make an exception for an exceptional guy who was 16 years older. It didn't work out, but not because of the age difference.

CS

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Post Re: How much older does the guy have to be for you to say no?
on: July 10, 2014, 11:46 PM

I think stage of life may also play into things - I don't know if everyone would agree but sometimes like the guy is enough older that he's at a different point. Like a girl may be looking for a guy who will learn in kollel for 5 years, and then there's this guy who's lets say 28 who's been learning till then pretty much but has now started working/going to college or both. So the guy is probably still the same type of guy, just at a different stage. So I'm saying this to go both ways - on the one hand the girl shouldn't dismiss him just because he's not learning full time anymore, but if the boy is many years older than the girl they may just be holding at different points in life that it may not work. I was just redt a boy who is pretty much 7 years older than me (6.5) and while I don't want to dismiss him just because of his age, I also don't know if I want to marry a guy who's so far ahead of me that he's past the kollel stage and up to the working/college/koveh itim/learning half day stage (I'm still pretty young).

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