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Author Topic: Good Shadchan
Bracha

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Post Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 9:26 PM

I'm just curious what everyone thinks. What do you think makes a good shadchan? Did you ever have a shadchan that you thought did a great job? What do you think a shadchan's job is?

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 9:43 PM

My initial reaction to this question...A good shadchan is someone who lets you know what is going on and doesn't leave you hanging, even if it's just a "I spoke to the mother of the boy and she has a lot of other names she's looking into right now so don't count on this." A good shadchan is someone who gets back to you right away when you're in the middle of a shidduch, even if it's just to say that s/he called the other side but hasn't heard back from them. A good shadchan is someone who gives you feedback and doesn't try to push you into something you don't want.

feigy123

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 9:48 PM

I don't like when a shadchan tells me anything before the guy's side says yes. There's really no point in knowing and it just leads to feeling let down.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 9:55 PM

That's true, but sometimes that can't be avoided because the person playing shadchan wants to know if you've ever heard of/went out with so-and-so, so they need to ask you, thereby letting you know they have an idea.

inshidduch-
im613

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 10:06 PM

thinkingBYgirl-i want a "like" button!!! 🙂

feigy123

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 10:13 PM

Can't they just ask the guy if he's gone out with you?

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 10:24 PM

@inshidduchim613: 😀

@feigy123: Technically yes, but sometimes it's a friend or whatever, and they have to find a way to redt the idea to the boy/push the suggestion, and they're not going to go through all that trouble if you've already went out with him/don't think it's a good idea.

heyhey

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 10:45 PM

thinkig BY girl... i agree! so true 🙂

Bracha613

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 11:06 PM

I think the main job of the shadchan is to try to keep you both on the same page. Meaning if one of you isn't that into it the other party should understand that. But at the same time SHE SHOULDN'T GET YOU NERVOUS!!

feigy123

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 11:08 PM

thinking: That's a nice limud zchus, but I feel like it goes way beyond those situations. I think it has more to do with wanna-be shadchanim who think they are doing us a favor by telling us that they are putting our name around because they think it will make us feel good.

But it doesn't.

inshidduch-
im613

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 11:11 PM

I think there are times when what feigy's describing is the case and times when thinkingBYgirl's sitch is the case. every shadchan is diff! some are better than others

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 11:15 PM

Ok, I agree with that. Sometimes it's nice to know people are thinking of you, but it's annoying when you get your hopes up about something that never materializes. However, there definitely are situations that warrant having to ask you. C'mon, when you meet a shadchan for a first time, they totally throw out names and say they're going to work on them. But, I do not like when people ask you to look into a guy so they know if it's worth it for them to redt. Most of the time it's a biiiiiig waste of time and energy.

inshidduch-
im613

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 10, 2013, 11:27 PM

well i just know never to get my hopes up when they say a boys checking into me cuz it really doesn't mean anything!

heyhey

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 11, 2013, 12:38 AM

yes. when a boy is checking in it means nothing. my sister always tells me: it's nothing till its somethin!!!

inshidduch-
im613

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 11, 2013, 2:35 AM

ive def heard that before 🙂

heyhey

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 26, 2013, 5:11 PM

someone who tells you after a date a reason not just: ok he will go out again for abt 10 times in a row!!!!

cool nerd

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Post Re: Good Shadchan
on: February 26, 2013, 9:42 PM

Since I've had the pleasure of dealing with shadchanim who had their own agendas and didn't care about what I wanted, I know to appreciate a shadchan that's looking out for me.

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