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Author Topic: Feeling Parve
Liba

Dater

Posts: 20
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Post Feeling Parve
on: April 21, 2013, 10:48 PM

Did you guys see the new article called "feeling parve" and the comment someone wrote under the article? Looks like an interesting difference of an opinion. I'm curious what everyone thinks.

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: Feeling Parve
on: April 21, 2013, 11:11 PM

I responded there. I agree with the commenters below, and not with the shadchan who wrote the response.

In my opinion, this new narishkeit that there is no such thing as feelings before marriage is a post-hoc rationalization to justify the dating practices in some of our communities. As such, it is a silliness. We should do our minhagim because of the net benefit they have even though they have cost--not because we pretend that they have no cost.

I also think that there is a big difference in communities as far as how much you should care about this. If you don't date long enough to develop any feelings, then you just don't know. But if you date long enough that it is natural that feelings would develop--but they don't--well then you should take that as warning sign.

iThink

Dating Pro

Posts: 311
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Post Re: Feeling Parve
on: April 21, 2013, 11:45 PM

I agree with the shadchan's response: The girl should discuss it with someone who can help her decide if her expectations are what they should be. No question about it-there is no single right answer for everyone.

Personally, I cannot understand how someone could possibly commit to a lifelong relationship with someone who they have "pareve" feelings for. But the fact remains that some very happy marriages started out that way; somehow it worked for them.

It would be silly to debate what's enough for someone else. Just know what you need.

Liba

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Posts: 20
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Post Re: Feeling Parve
on: April 22, 2013, 12:11 AM

Well I definitely have heard things along those lines from teachers ect. I always wondered if everyone agrees with it. I always think that the advice you get kind of depends on how that person felt when they met their husbands. I mean most people only experience marriage once....

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: Feeling Parve
on: April 22, 2013, 8:45 AM

Quote from Liba on April 22, 2013, 12:11 AM
I always think that the advice you get kind of depends on how that person felt when they met their husbands. I mean most people only experience marriage once....

Agreed. And isn't it ridiculous that people think their one time experience matters in giving advice?

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: Feeling Parve
on: April 23, 2013, 12:24 AM

That's why there's asei lecha rav, and not just stam anyone married to give advice.
Or maybe that's not why, but whatever.

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