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Author Topic: Crying after a date
Malkayehud-
ia

Dater

Posts: 10
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Post Crying after a date
on: April 24, 2014, 12:13 AM

So I just started dating and I don't have so much experience and in the last few months I got set up with 3 guys. I went out with the first 2 guys and I decided that they weren't for me( I said no to them for very good reasons I am not picky at all) and I knew that I would never marry them but I get emotionally connected to people who I have long conversations with and who give me their time and show me attention so after I ended each one of them I was crying hysterically and I felt depressed for a few days because I felt like I would miss them and I felt very sad that I would never see them again. Then the third guy I went out with him 3 times and he was a very nice guy and he was very nice to me on the dates but I wasn't really attracted to him and then I started having feelings for him and he ended it. I got very depressed and my voice broke when the matchmaker told me and after she hung up I started crying a lot and I slept only 3 hours at night because I was crying and then the next day I went to work and when I came back home I went back to bed and I started thinking about him and crying again hysterically I think for like a few hours straight(I am not exaggerating). Then for the next few days I was very depressed. Do you think it's normal that I cry after every relationship that doesn't work out even if I went out with them only once and I was the one who decided not to continue?

Princess-
Lea

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Posts: 223
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Post Re: Crying after a date
on: April 24, 2014, 11:05 AM

You're a newbie at this, so it is understandable.

A constant problem with girls (it is said to be rarer with boys) is that when we go on a first date we think, "Can I picture myself making supper for him?" while guys are more "It's just a date." Now, I'm guessing, that when it comes to friends (as in girl friends) you make them quickly and tightly. You're used to befriending everyone, and the casual interaction that is a first date is something new to you. Additionally, it probably hurts you to hurt other people, and you felt that by saying "no" these boys would feel the rejection keenly. You cried more for them than for you, maybe? I understand.

Already you feel overly defensive if you said no, claiming that you aren't picky. None of us should expect that one should get married to just anyone, but with the current state of "shidduch crisis" hysteria all of us feel under attack. You don't have to explain yourself.

In the case of the guy you really liked, you jumped ahead. I, too, jump ahead. I have the flowers picked out on the second date. I had to teach myself to reign myself in, because in the end you really don't know someone after spending less than 10 hours in their company. You don't know all their qualities, good and bad, so the perception of him is mostly imaginary, not reality.

In terms of normalcy, I cannot say. But it can't be good for you. In my case, if a guy I like says "no," then I make a point to think, "It's not bashert." If I have to say "no" to someone, I do feel terrible. But I know that he is not for me, and in order to marry one has to date and know oneself. Everyone must be prepared for some level of heartache.

I hope with a little more experience you won't take each interaction so much to heart. Or, even better, your next date is your bashert; that would make everything so much simpler. 🙂

Malkayehud-
ia

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Posts: 10
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Post Re: Crying after a date
on: April 25, 2014, 1:38 AM

Princess Lea you are so sweet. You have no idea how much better your message made me feel. Thankyou so much for responding in such a caring and nonjudgmental way. I have been feeling really down because of the last guy I went out with who said no to me and you made me feel a lot better.

devorah123

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Posts: 14
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Post Re: Crying after a date
on: April 28, 2014, 6:35 PM

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but I am the exact same way!! Exact! . Help us!

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