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Author Topic: single friends as references
far rock-
gal

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Post single friends as references
on: July 14, 2013, 7:21 PM

Hey! I was just curious to know what people do. Do you have single friends listed on your resume as references? Why or why not? When i made my resume my mom decided that i shouldn't put single friends on, and at the time i didn't have any Close married friends.(and still don't) I was just redt to a boy and his mother wants to know why i have no friends listed. I have other people that know me well, just not friends. Wanted to hear what you all think...

life123

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Post Re: single friends as references
on: July 14, 2013, 7:26 PM

I started off with one married friend (who was more family friend) and three singles... now I have 3 married friends on it and one single.

devora

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Post Re: single friends as references
on: July 14, 2013, 9:58 PM

I think its important to put friends on your resume. If you have no friends listed it can look like you have no friends.

iThink

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Post Re: single friends as references
on: July 14, 2013, 10:30 PM

I can't think of a reason why married friends would be a preferable reference. Actually, I don't see how marital status matters at all.

life123

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Post Re: single friends as references
on: July 14, 2013, 11:03 PM

I think the real reason people like it is because, psychologically, they tend to associate married people (obviously incorrectly) with being older and more settled, and more on their level of understanding. However if you asked they'd probably say some of the following (not saying I agree): married people have a better idea of what is important, what needs to be said, that you keep up with people, that your friends are level-headed enough to settle down (at least some, so your group isn't wild or immature).

far rock-
gal

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Post Re: single friends as references
on: July 15, 2013, 12:18 AM

I once heard that people don't like to put single friends on, cuz single girls feel jealous when they get called about the same friends over and over. They then feel like like they're friends go out so often and it leads to jealousy...

shaynapuni-
m

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Post Re: single friends as references
on: July 15, 2013, 12:24 AM

Quote from far rock gal on July 15, 2013, 12:18 AM
I once heard that people don't like to put single friends on, cuz single girls feel jealous when they get called about the same friends over and over. They then feel like like they're friends go out so often and it leads to jealousy...

+1 i agree, but also not just jealousy also could make you feel bad, and perhaps you may not give as glowing a reference if you are deep down upset that they are calling about her and not you...

patcha

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Post Re: single friends as references
on: July 15, 2013, 2:12 AM

I'm single, and have been listed as a reference many times. I like doing it.

daysfan24

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Post Re: single friends as references
on: July 15, 2013, 10:03 AM

It's funny I just had a conversation about this a few days ago. Someone told me not to put my single friends- I think it depends on if the person knows what to say and what not to say. ie- someone without realizing might say, I don't think mushka (just giving any name) would be ok with that. Therefore, most married people usually have a better understanding of being neutral. It really doesn't have to do with marital status or not, I think it has to do with who would be a good candidate for saying the right things to someone else.

chaykie

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Post Re: single friends as references
on: July 15, 2013, 11:04 AM

I would like to say something here that might bring some clarity. whoever it is that you want to put on your resume, make sure you ask their permission first! People want to see that you have friends, that's first of all, and second of all friends should be on there because how you relate to friends means a lot about you and your relationships. That is something a boy's mother would want to know (and wouldn't your mother want to know it about a boy who is redt to you?) If you want to put on a single friend, and you ask her permission, she has a choice of either saying yes or no. if she says no, don't be insulted. i've had ppl tell me that they are really nervous about saying the wrong thing, or saying something a little unclearly, and ruining a shidduch c'v. but if your friend says yes, i would assume she knows she is going to get called about you, and if she agreed to it, she agreed to it. and btw, i think it's good to have a small mix of single and married friends. like someone said, they want to speak to someone they can "relate to" more, someone who is more settled, and understands what's important vs what's not.

dance4ever

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Post Re: single friends as references
on: July 30, 2013, 3:22 PM

i agree with chaykie - always ask permission first - no matter who you are putting on the resume! about single friends, use your judgement. Yes, do not put the girl who hasnt gone out on a date yet, that can be painful for her and she might be jealous without meaning to be. Also, make sure to add friends that are good talkers!

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