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Author Topic: Joke
Avigail

Dating Maven

Posts: 130
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Post Joke
on: April 22, 2013, 11:06 PM

What's your favorite joke?

Shira

Dater

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Post Re: Joke
on: April 23, 2013, 12:10 AM

So yankela was trying to cross the border to another country. "Excuse me" said the guard I see you have 7 refrigerators, why do you need 7 refrigerators you aren't planning on selling them are you?" "No sir" said Yankela "please believe me, they are all for personal use." This I have to hear thought the gaurd to himself "Please explain" said the guard why do you need 7 refrigerators. "Well" said Yankela "I keep kosher so I need one for Milchig one for fleishig and one for parve." "Alright" said the guard after some thought, "I guess that makes sense, but what about the other 4?" "Well" said Yankela "this is for the whole year but then on Pesach I need three more one for Milchig one for Fleishig and one for Parve." "I see" said the guard thinking about what Yankle said. "but that's only six, why do you need seven." "Well" said Yankele after a brief pause "I still need one more, you see,........sometimes I like to eat trief.

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

Dating Pro

Posts: 320
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Post Re: Joke
on: April 23, 2013, 1:49 AM

I've got a good one...
So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting.
She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40.
A cop pulls her over and says "ma'am, can I please see your license?"
She says "I'm sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving."
His brow furrows and he straightens up. "Well, can I please see the registration of your car?"
She says "I stole the car and I killed the driver; he's in the trunk."
"Ma'am, DON'T MOVE, I'm calling for backup."
He mutters furiously into his walkie-talkie...
Five minutes later, half the squad pulls up, the Chief of Police walks over to the woman's window.
"Ma'am, can I see your license?" he asks sternly.
"Of course, officer," she smiles demurely and pulls out a license from her purse.
He squints warily at it. "This looks legitimate," he mumbles.
"Can I see the registration to this car?"
She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him.
"Ma'am, stand back!"
He bangs open the trunk of the car and flinches: but it was completely empty...
The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, "And I'll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!!"
😀

dancer90

Dating Pro

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Post Re: Joke
on: April 23, 2013, 1:54 PM

Haha! Cute! If I think of a good one ill ads...

Shaindy

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Post Re: Joke
on: April 23, 2013, 4:03 PM

So this guy named Baruch died and went up to Shamayim. As he was standing on line waiting his turn one of the Malachim came over to him "Excuse me sir, I just want you to know I was looking over your life and I didn't see much good or much bad that you did I'm not sure what they are going to do with you. Did you ever do anything particularly good in your life?" "Well" said Baruch "one time I was waiting for a bus, when a bunch of thugs came over to this girl and starting hurting her. so I then went over to the leader of the gang, I yanked the guys ring out of his nose pulled his pony tail and screamed "HEY BUD, YOU MESS WITH HER YOU ARE MESSING WITH ME." "Wow" said the Malech "that's quite a story! How long ago did this happen? "Just a few minutes ago" came the reply.

basyisroel

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Post Re: Joke
on: April 23, 2013, 9:36 PM

I like that one Shaindy!

pray today

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Joke
on: April 25, 2013, 2:40 PM

I love this one!
Q. How do you make an Egg Roll?
A. Push it!

Bracha613

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Joke
on: April 25, 2013, 10:24 PM

An old man went to the Doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear. The Doctor suggested a test to find out the extent of the problem. “Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move up and see how far away you are when she first responds.” The old man excited to finally be working on a solution for the problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. ” Honey” the man asks standing around 20 feet away “whats for supper?” After receiving no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Then again at 10 feet away and again no response. Finally he was 5 feet away “honey whats for supper?”
She replies “For the fourth time it’s lasagna!”

Bracha613

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Joke
on: April 26, 2013, 12:50 AM

A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns on his siren and pulls the guy over. “Alright,” says the cop, when the man gets out of the car. “Walk in a straight line.” “I’d be happy to,” says the drunk “just stop moving the silly line.”

Avigail

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Joke
on: April 28, 2013, 12:22 AM

Bracha613 your jokes are great! 😀

Avigail

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Joke
on: July 11, 2013, 12:06 AM

Saw this somewhere and was chuckling to myself the whole day - had to share.

A young girl returned home to Birmingham for a vacation. She had been working as a maid for a Jewish family in New York City. Relatives and friends wanted to know how she liked living in the big city and how she liked working for a Jewish family.
The girl said everything was wonderful. She had her own room,her own television set, she had two days off each week, and they fed her well.
but" she said, "They celebrate the funniest holidays!
"First they have a holiday they call Shabbos. That's when they eat in the dining room and they smoke in the bathroom.
Then they have another holiday they call Tisha Bav. That's when they smoke in the dining room and eat in the bathroom.
"But then they got another holiday which really is something! They call it Yom Kippur. That;s when they both eat and smoke in the bathroom!

feigy123

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Post Re: Joke
on: July 11, 2013, 12:10 AM

.

Avigail

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Joke
on: July 11, 2013, 12:12 AM

I copied it word for word from a book (took that part out) anyone else think it's not appropriate?

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Joke
on: July 11, 2013, 3:20 AM

I think it's funny! 😉

hannahr

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Post Re: Joke
on: July 11, 2013, 12:31 PM

Then there's the old famous one about a guy who's looking for a parking spot in Midtown during the busiest time of day. He keeps circling and circling, hoping for a spot, but he can't get one. So he starts davening- "Hashem, please help me find a spot! I'll do anything if I find a spot! I'll donate a thousand dollars to tzedakah! I'll learn two extra sedarim every day! I'll daven with loads of kavanah in shul! Just please, Hashem, help me find a spot!"
All of a sudden, a spot turns up- right in front of the building he needed to go to, with a convenient meter, no car squeezing him in, the works. The man looks up to the sky and shouts up, "Thanks anyway, Hashem! I found one on my own!"

mrswannabe

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Post Re: Joke
on: September 16, 2013, 12:34 PM

Two snowmen are standing next to each other in a yard.
One says to the other : “Funny, I smell carrots too.”

dazzleme21

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Post Re: Joke
on: September 16, 2013, 8:22 PM

SHAINDY- THATS A FUNNY JOKE!!OMGLOL!!

Shaindy

Dating Maven

Posts: 67
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Post Re: Joke
on: September 17, 2013, 9:30 PM

Thanks 😛

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