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Author Topic: Inappropriate?
Esti

Dating Maven

Posts: 59
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Post Inappropriate?
on: August 14, 2013, 6:01 AM

So, I am not really sure what to think. I was at my brother's house babysitting and the neighbor knocked on the door and asked if her 8 year old son can come and play. I looked at her funny saying that I was babysitting and there were no boys for her son to play with. She said oh, Avi loves to play with Shira..they play all the time together. I looked a bit horrified..like my niece Shira still plays with boys? Isn't she a bit old? What do you think?

mrswannabe

Dater

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Post Re: Inappropriate?
on: August 14, 2013, 9:09 AM

Well, I guess it's pretty clear that I was brought up a bit differently than you, but I think there is totally no problem with it. My gosh, she's not Bas Mitzva yet! 8 is little still and for sure too little for it to be anything more than a nice neighborly friendly relationship. They probably colored or did puzzles together, no? Am I totally off guys? (or gals I guess I should be saying!)

chaykie

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Inappropriate?
on: August 14, 2013, 9:04 PM

you didn't mention how old your niece is. if she was 7 or 8, i'd say they should probably stop pretty soon but i guess if ur neighbor said they play all the time, let them play. then when u speak to your brother next, ask him if they play together, and if he is still ok with it.

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

Dating Pro

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Post Re: Inappropriate?
on: August 14, 2013, 11:50 PM

Quote from mrswannabe on August 14, 2013, 9:09 AM
Well, I guess it's pretty clear that I was brought up a bit differently than you, but I think there is totally no problem with it. My gosh, she's not Bas Mitzva yet! 8 is little still and for sure too little for it to be anything more than a nice neighborly friendly relationship. They probably colored or did puzzles together, no? Am I totally off guys? (or gals I guess I should be saying!)

No, you're totally on! 😉

life123

Dating Pro

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Post Re: Inappropriate?
on: August 15, 2013, 12:46 AM

Nothing to do with tzniyus - but psychologically speaking, usually kids start playing only boy or only girl games at about 5, I think, when they go to preschool and make friends. It's funny that they are interested in playing with each other at all. Unless they live in a very spread out neighborhood and there is no one else around.

Avigail

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Inappropriate?
on: August 15, 2013, 7:22 AM

I don't know if it's inappropriate (although I do know people who are very Makpid not to let kids that age play together) but I will say that if you watch 8 year old boys with 8 year old girls you will see very clearly that the boys are usually trying to show off to the girls (they are not usually so good at hiding it)

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

Dating Pro

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Post Re: Inappropriate?
on: August 15, 2013, 3:11 PM

Even so, nothing's happening... children that age are still innocent, as are their motives.

PurplePrin-
cess

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Inappropriate?
on: August 15, 2013, 3:25 PM

I think kids generally sense when it becomes too awkward to play with kids of the opposite gender. You automatically go your separate ways when that happens. If a child doesn't display that kind of sensitivity, you might need to intervene, though.

shaynapuni-
m

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Inappropriate?
on: August 18, 2013, 1:10 AM

I think what's most inappropriate about your story is not an eight yr old girl playing with a boy of the same age but rather the insistence of the neighbor for her kid to come over for a play date while you were baby sitting.

Was the mother planning on staying with her kid or was she just dropping him off??

It is one thing if the play date was planned ahead of time, but after the neighbor sees that the parents aren't home and that you are babysitting, I think it is highly inappropriate at that point for this mother to ask if her kid can stay over. You may have agreed to babysit your brother's kids, but this neighbor does not have a right to bring her kids over there and make you responsible for them too! (unless she wants to pay you as well 😎 )

If anything is inappropriate that is inappropriate!

bibliophil-
e02

Dating Maven

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Post Re: Inappropriate?
on: November 24, 2013, 7:12 AM

You are not Shira's mother. If she plays with the boy next door all the time, that is your brother's and sister-in-law's decision. If you think 8 is too old for co-ed playtime, you can iy"H raise your own children that way.

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