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Author Topic: Body Image
rosepetal5

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Post Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 1:20 PM

I thought it might be a good idea to start a thread about having a healthy body image. I noticed words like "overweight" being used on the forum, and I think it's important that everyone be sensitive to the words they are using when it comes to weight and size.

We also don't know much about each other, so it's important to try not to use triggering language that has the potential to hurt someone.

laykay

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 1:30 PM

Well this is a ptretty integral part to shidduchim that is clearly an issue ....what word do u suggest people use to be more sensitive?

basmelech

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 1:36 PM

Quote from rosepetal5 on May 30, 2013, 1:20 PM
We also don't know much about each other, so it's important to try not to use [b]triggering[b] language that has the potential to hurt someone.

I agree with rosepetal5 it is very important to think before we post something. (same like think before you speak type of idea πŸ˜‰ )

patcha

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 1:40 PM

I think "skinny" is an insensitive word to use, and I wince every time I see it. You should call underweight people "slim" or "slender".

basmelech

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 1:46 PM

Quote from patcha on May 30, 2013, 1:40 PM
I think "skinny" is an insensitive word to use, and I wince every time I see it. You should call underweight people "slim" or "slender".

I thought skinny is a positive description!! Know a lot of people who love that compliment! πŸ˜€
( I mean everything can be said in a not nice way but we have to judge by how most people would understand it to mean. See hilchos lashon hara, sefer chofetz chaim for more details on this subject)

patcha

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 1:52 PM

basmelech: It's not a compliment. Being slim and slender is a nice thing to be if you are healthy and exercise regularly. If you are skinny and get sick, your body has less resources to fall back on, and in times of famine, skinny people die first. There are people who try to gain weight and are very annoyed at being skinny, even if they are the minority.
I guess it is nicer for shidduchim but that's because people mix up being skinny with being slim.

In general, I think it is rude to comment on people's physical features, if you are not in a relationship with them. But overweight and underweight are just technical terms.

basmelech

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 2:24 PM

im guessing your not overweight then... because for those of us who are and constantly on diets to lose it, we dont just think of it as a "technical term" πŸ™ On the other hand i never heard someone complain that they are too skinny... πŸ˜‰

In general its good to try and think before posting or saying anything. πŸ™‚

iThink

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 3:01 PM

Quote from basmelech on May 30, 2013, 2:24 PM
On the other hand i never heard someone complain that they are too skinny... πŸ˜‰

Believe me I've heard it plenty, they're just careful not to say it to the weight loss dieters. It's just that people tend to save the pity for those who struggle with losing the weight, because who thinks they're too skinny, right?

rosepetal5

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 4:12 PM

I think any words about weight can be dangerous. And, honestly, it's not for us to judge why people look the way they do. Some people are just built a certain way - chalk it up to genetics or whatever. Obviously i'm not talking about dangerous habits or disorders - that's not what I mean. Some people have literally no control over the way their body is built.
Words like overweight just carry bad connotations. I prefer words like curvy or voluptuous. You may say they're just euphemisms, but it can make a difference. If anyone does not like those words, I do apologize, and please let me know.

basmelech

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 5:03 PM

Im sorry patcha and iThink i didnt realize that. I didnt mean anything bad. For the future i will try to keep that in mind. Everyone has their own struggles. I just never realized that it would go for being too skinny. I guess its because i never had that nisayon. (by me if anything its the opposite πŸ˜‰ ) Thank you both for pointing it out to me! I better be super careful with what i say from now on...

Thank you rosepetal 5. πŸ™‚
That sounds much better! πŸ˜‰

iThink

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 5:18 PM

Don't worry basmelech, I personally never thought skinny was a four letter word, but to some people it can hit a nerve.

rosepetal5

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 5:28 PM

Quote from basmelech on May 30, 2013, 5:03 PM
Thank you rosepetal 5. πŸ™‚
That sounds much better! πŸ˜‰

You're very welcome! I know I prefer those words. They make me feel more like a beautiful woman.

Did you know that in prehistoric times, women with curves were the most sought after? It meant they were healthy and capable of having children. That's what was considered beautiful.

basmelech

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 7:22 PM

Yup its a pity we dont live in those days... πŸ˜‰ Well for now being that we live here and now we just have to try and lose weight (sounds simple enough) πŸ˜‰

rosepetal5

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 7:31 PM

Quote from basmelech on May 30, 2013, 7:22 PM
Yup its a pity we dont live in those days... πŸ˜‰ Well for now being that we live here and now we just have to try and lose weight (sounds simple enough) πŸ˜‰

I think that's part of the problem, though. As long as we're healthy, why can't we just be the way we are? Why do we need to change to fit someone else's opinion of beauty?

basmelech

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 9:08 PM

Quote from rosepetal5 on May 30, 2013, 7:31 PM

I think that's part of the problem, though. As long as we're healthy, why can't we just be the way we are? Why do we need to change to fit someone else's opinion of beauty?

You have a good point there. If a person is healthy they do not need to change themself for "someone else's opinion of beauty." πŸ™‚ The only problem is when it comes from an unhealthy place...

rosepetal5

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 9:16 PM

Quote from basmelech on May 30, 2013, 9:08 PM

You have a good point there. If a person is healthy they do not need to change themself for "someone else's opinion of beauty." πŸ™‚ The only problem is when it comes from an unhealthy place...

I agree about the "unhealthy place." The world we live in has put so much pressure on people to look a certain way - it can cause people to do some very unhealthy things.

It's a real shame that the shidduch system puts so much emphasis on physical features. They are, of course, incredibly important, but they are not the most important thing. You would think that in trying to create good, Jewish relationships, people would have their priorities straight. But that doesn't seem to be the case.

basmelech

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 10:01 PM

Well this quote says it well "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". πŸ™‚ So iy"H each person should find someone who thinks that they are beautiful in their eyes! πŸ˜€

patcha

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 10:29 PM

rosepetal: . When I read your posts, I 'hear' a midwest/southern twang πŸ™‚

bitachon

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 10:52 PM

Quote from basmelech on May 30, 2013, 1:46 PM

Quote from patcha on May 30, 2013, 1:40 PM
I think "skinny" is an insensitive word to use, and I wince every time I see it. You should call underweight people "slim" or "slender".

I thought skinny is a positive description!! Know a lot of people who love that compliment! πŸ˜€
( I mean everything can be said in a not nice way but we have to judge by how most people would understand it to mean. See hilchos lashon hara, sefer chofetz chaim for more details on this subject)

totally not skinny is not a compliment instead slim and slender is more appropriate. and it doesnt have to be someone underweight

rosepetal5

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 11:05 PM

Quote from patcha on May 30, 2013, 10:29 PM
rosepetal: . When I read your posts, I 'hear' a midwest/southern twang πŸ™‚

That's funny, but I totally don't have an accent or twang at all!! πŸ˜€ Never lived in the south.

rosepetal5

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 30, 2013, 11:14 PM

Quote from basmelech on May 30, 2013, 10:01 PM
Well this quote says it well "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder". πŸ™‚ So iy"H each person should find someone who thinks that they are beautiful in their eyes! πŸ˜€

I totally agree. I'm just afraid that all the emphasis on physical looks is doing much more harm than good. Not just to our bodies, but to our Neshamos, too.

basmelech

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 31, 2013, 2:52 PM

Well I heard somewhere that the last nissayon before Moshiach comes will be tznius. So that makes sense. We have to be careful in this area and not give in! ( like in the past the big nissayon was avoda zara. b"H most people nowadays aren't running to bow down to them. πŸ˜‰ ) So lets be careful and guard ourselves against this last big nissayon by looking tznius and beautiful. And we will therefore be zocheh to greet Moshiach very soon iy"H!! Hatzlacha! πŸ™‚

rosepetal5

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 31, 2013, 2:57 PM

Basmelech, that's beautiful. But how does it relate??
I don't think issues of body image and weight necessarily relate to Tznius. Obviously Tznius is another issue that has to do with the body, and it's very important. I'm just not sure that the emphasis on physical appearances that we're discussing here has to do with Tznius. I'm talking more about the psychological affects that this can have on any given person.

basyisroel

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 31, 2013, 3:17 PM

Rosepetal5: Tznius is about recognizing that you're not just a body, that you are your neshama. Someone who recognizes this won't be obsessed with their body image

rosepetal5

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 31, 2013, 3:20 PM

Basyisroel, I understand what you're saying, but I don't think it's that simple. It's not so black and white. A person can be very Tznius, even in the way you're talking about, but they may still struggle. The world has set people up to be unhappy with the way they look until they reach "perfection" - which of course is not possible. I think even people who are Tznius and have a very healthy sense of self may still struggle.

basmelech

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 31, 2013, 4:19 PM

Quote from basyisroel on May 31, 2013, 3:17 PM
Rosepetal5: Tznius is about recognizing that you're not just a body, that you are your neshama. Someone who recognizes this won't be obsessed with their body image

I know a quote that fits what you just said. Here goes...

"You don't have a soul.
You are a soul.
You have a body."
πŸ™‚

basmelech

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Post Re: Body Image
on: May 31, 2013, 4:24 PM

Quote from rosepetal5 on May 31, 2013, 3:20 PM
Basyisroel, I understand what you're saying, but I don't think it's that simple. It's not so black and white. A person can be very Tznius, even in the way you're talking about, but they may still struggle. The world has set people up to be unhappy with the way they look until they reach "perfection" - which of course is not possible. I think even people who are Tznius and have a very healthy sense of self may still struggle.

You asked how my response relates? because you said the effect it has on our neshamos so i figured you were talking about tznius. Now i see that you were talking about pyschologically.
So we just have to realize that as a human being we are not perfect and we make mistakes. That is what Teshuvah is for. πŸ˜‰
Yes i understand you it is hard. I am one of those people that are constantly trying to lose weight πŸ˜‰ Its a big pressure. I feel for you! πŸ™‚

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