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Author Topic: keeping parents out of my shidduchim while dealing with emotions
justdoit

Dater

Posts: 23
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Post keeping parents out of my shidduchim while dealing with emotions
on: October 31, 2014, 11:46 AM

Hi,
I am a baal teshuva and although my mother is supportive of my religious lifestyle and she has the right intentions for me, after speaking with my rav a year ago, unless anything major occurs I have decided to keep her out of my shidduchim. I have very personal reasons for doing this, many of them have to do with the fact that I am often in limbo with things and that I feel that based on what she says to me she will not approve of the type of guy I want.
I do speak to a therapist for venting purposes however in recent weeks in relation to my shidduchim I have been entangled in a bizzare situation with unusual buildup and am in the process of sorting it out.
meanwhile, its become extremely draining to deal with because of the nature of it and its getting to the point where it is becoming increasingly difficult to hide my emotions via facial expressions of it and my parents are starting to notice.
what should I do? I am also averaging only four hours of sleep a night with decreasing time as this goes on.

basmelech

Dating Coach

Posts: 408
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Post Re: keeping parents out of my shidduchim while dealing with emotions
on: November 2, 2014, 2:30 PM

You can speak to your therapist that's what she's there for right? You need good advice and if she can't give it ask someone trustworthy who can. Good luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

getmeadate

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Posts: 48
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Post Re: keeping parents out of my shidduchim while dealing with emotions
on: November 5, 2014, 9:27 PM

Quote from justdoit on October 31, 2014, 11:46 AM
what should I do? I am also averaging only four hours of sleep a night with decreasing time as this goes on.

Sounds to me like you need help quick! Do you have a friend you can speak to? Dating definitely has it's stressful moments. Wishing you all the best!

justdoit

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Post Re: keeping parents out of my shidduchim while dealing with emotions
on: November 7, 2014, 9:05 AM

Thanks. I totally hear that. Its one of those find a shadchan moments but at the earliest, I wont be able to until chanukah. In the meantime because of all the bizzare activity I have reason to believe that he likes me too but in his case he does not have the information that he would need in order to find someone...

justdoit

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Post Re: keeping parents out of my shidduchim while dealing with emotions
on: November 23, 2014, 11:12 AM

So I ended up getting to the point where I messaged him because I could not find a shadchan. He really was not for me anyway but this situation ended up raising a number of significant issues and in the next few weeks when I completely cool down (it was a 2.5 month thing), I will end up switching up a lot of things. In a weird wat this situation is not so much a fiasco as it was a catalyst for change.

girlwithad-
ream

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Post Re: keeping parents out of my shidduchim while dealing with emotions
on: November 26, 2014, 10:13 PM

good luck- and we should always be able to have such clarity to see the good that the bad situations bring out ๐Ÿ™‚

justdoit

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Post Re: keeping parents out of my shidduchim while dealing with emotions
on: December 11, 2014, 8:30 PM

For sure: the thing though is that now. That I am not on speaking terms with that rabbi. I feel like I am at square one. I have a new rabbi to pasken for me, but yeah.

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