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Author Topic: Talk to your references
life123

Dating Pro

Posts: 324
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Post Talk to your references
on: August 11, 2013, 2:38 PM

A shadchan emailed my mother about a shidduch that she thought might work, and then emailed my resume to the boy's side. She then emailed my mother again that the boy heard very nice things but wants to learn long term. I was confused, that was what I said I want! After some emailing back and forth, i called her, and she said that my references said either that I don't want long term learning, or that by long term I mean less than 5 years. Really, I want a minimum of 5 years. So now I have to call all of my references and figure out who had it wrong.
SO MAKE SURE TO HAVE A GOOD DISCUSSION BEFORE YOU PUT ANYONE ON YOUR RESUME (WHICH I THOUGHT I DID) SO THEY DON'T KILL YOUR SHIDDUCHIM WITH WRONG INFORMATION.

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: Talk to your references
on: August 11, 2013, 3:18 PM

oh yeah- biggie.. and if you change ur mind about something you have on ur resume, make sure to update your references

in the gap

Dating Maven

Posts: 164
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Post Re: Talk to your references
on: August 12, 2013, 9:57 AM

Also, make sure your references understand what you want. I had a very hard time finding people to be used as references for my family since my community is very removed form what i want, and they just don't understand the concept of learning long-term. It is very important to make sure that your references understand what you want so they don't mess it up.

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: Talk to your references
on: August 12, 2013, 9:39 PM

another thing i just thought of- make sure your references know the ins and outs of the "system" and "shadchanim" and all that stuff. i was once talking to a reference of mine and she said "yeah i tell them all the good things about chaiky...she's sweet and kind and opinionated..." uh....hello??? i asked her what she meant by opinionated. she said it means that I'm creative and that when ppl need to think of something or need help with something, i help them figure things out... yeah well, shadchanim aint gonna know that that's what she means! she is not a reference anymore...

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