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Author Topic: My best friend just had a baby
imyirtzeha-
shembyu

Dater

Posts: 46
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Post My best friend just had a baby
on: October 2, 2013, 6:49 PM

Remind me that Hashem loves me and gives each and every person what is best for them...

basmelech

Dating Coach

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 2, 2013, 7:17 PM

Mazel Tov! 🙂
H-shem loves us and knows what is best for us even more than we ourselves know. So right now that is what she needs and right now this is what we need to hear this wonderful news and be happy for her. Iy"H by you! (and all of us here 😉 )

imyirtzeha-
shembyu

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 2, 2013, 7:29 PM

amen!
thanks. I needed to hear that.
I remind myself all the time - and I really do know it and live my life that way
just sometimes I need someone else to tell it to me

basmelech

Dating Coach

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 2, 2013, 7:33 PM

You can tell from the question that you are special and that you believe it yourself. 🙂 Im happy to be of assistance!

chaykie

Dating Coach

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 2, 2013, 9:03 PM

Oish for sure it's hard! a few of my very close friends also have had their first kids already (and one is actually on her 3rd, bli ayin hara). Do you see this friend often? that might make a difference. i don't see those friends often because they live out of town, so it's not in my face. i wonder how i'd feel if we'd live closer together. but i'm totally with basmelech on everything she says!

imyirtzeha-
shembyu

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 2, 2013, 9:11 PM

ya, we hang out all the time. we are very close.
I think that is why it makes it hard.
her wedding was a killer....
but bh, I am SO SO happy for her. Im really glad that everything is going so well...

but when I'm on a low I need to be constantly reminded that Hashem has given me the absolute best thing in the world for me now!

In real life I keep telling people that I am super excited for her.
and dont get me wrong - I am so so happy. I feel like I just had a niece. and I could not be happier for my friend.
but I just needed someone who would understand that behind all that simcha is my own selfish pain.

Thanks for being their for me!
Hashem should continue to shower them with only bracha, and they should have tons of nachas from their beautiful bundle.
Imh by all of us here.

todarabbah

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 2, 2013, 9:43 PM

Also, every step of life comes with its own nisyonos. Everyone gets what they can handle at the time. From my close married friends, I can tell that they're happy but it's not always easy for them at all. Sometimes harder than being single. Then being pregnant can be torture, too. Once you have a kid, your life is not the same and it ties you up. So be happy with the freedom you have for now because once you get married, you're obligated to someone else and lose some of your independence and freedom. There are perks and disadvantages at each stage:)

dazzleme21

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 3, 2013, 12:19 AM

true todarabbah ! well said! but i dont kno if its harder to be preg and married then single but the rest of it so true!!

in the gap

Dating Maven

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 3, 2013, 6:48 AM

I agree with TodaRabbah. Getting married doesn't necessarily solve all of everyone's problems. I know plenty of girls who had this attitude and once they got married they had a very hard time. Being pregnant, for example, is very physically and emotionally draining. It can take all of one's kochos out of her, much more than the occasional feeling alone and left out that being single usually feels like.

basmelech

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 3, 2013, 6:35 PM

I think that the all of us here would much rather be married and pregnant than single. But right now for whatever reason H-shem decided, we are still single, and that is the best thing for us at the moment even though we may not understand it right now. The ups and downs of pregnancy may be difficult but since we are human it is only natural for us to desire to be in that position to and it is a wonderful one. Being single has its own benefits and we have to make the most of it while we can since you never know when the right one will come along. Iy"H by all of us soon! 🙂

musicalsea-
rch

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 3, 2013, 7:12 PM

The most powerful words I heard Chevy Garfunkle say are "Life is not a race. Just because someone is married or has children doesn't mean that they 'won.' It means they aren't ready for the nissayon not to be married or have children."

daysfan24

Dating Maven

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 3, 2013, 8:00 PM

musicalsea-rch... Love that quote, its so true. I mean Hashem obviously believes in us and knows we're capable of it. 😀 It's just hard to actually internalize that.

No matter how painful it is to me, and as much as I don't like being single, it really does comfort me knowing Hashem believes in me more than I believe in myself!

daysfan24

Dating Maven

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 3, 2013, 8:06 PM

Great post basmelech!

The grass is always greener on the other side. I know for me, once I get engaged, as happy I will be, I don't want to regret thinking ; Wow, I wish I didn't spent half my time being miserable and instead enjoying the advantages of being single. ( again hard to internalize, but maybe write down why being single is good now)

I actually heard a great tip- and I tried it once but really should do it again. Write down 21 things ( i believe the number was 21, lessen it if u cant think of that many) of blessings you have in your life and show it to yourself everyday. It'll definitely help!

basmelech

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 4, 2013, 12:18 AM

That is a great idea! 😀
I know someone who thanks H-shem for as many things as they can think of before they go to sleep every night. It ranges from lenses to health. Every little thing makes a difference! Lets appreciate it when we have it. 🙂

PurplePrin-
cess

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Post Re: My best friend just had a baby
on: October 4, 2013, 11:48 AM

Quote from musicalsearch on October 3, 2013, 7:12 PM
The most powerful words I heard Chevy Garfunkle say are "Life is not a race. Just because someone is married or has children doesn't mean that they 'won.' It means they aren't ready for the nissayon not to be married or have children."

My friend once told me, "Getting engaged is not a reward, it's a gift." Meaning, it's not like you accumulated enough brownie points and then you're eligible to get engaged! People think that just because someone is engaged and they're not, it means they didn't do something that was expected of them. It doesn't go like that! It's a gift, a gift that everyone gets at different times. Not like a bas mitzvah where you need to reach a certain age in order to qualify and everyone gets it at the same time. That thought helped me feel better a lot of times because I would think, "why her and not me? what am I doing wrong?? and what did she do right??"

And regarding knowing that everything Hashem does is for the best: so many times I was in a sticky situation and I knew that for everything to be resolved again I will need A and B to happen. Well, Hashem surprised me by showing me otherwise, like by making C happen and that was all it took for it to be worked out! So that's when I started thinking that I really DON'T know what the best thing for me is, only He knows.

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