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Author Topic: how to excuse yourself
sem613

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post how to excuse yourself
on: December 3, 2013, 7:36 PM

basicly, to make a long story short, for various reasons, a few of my friends don't know I'm dating.
what makes this difficult is when they invite me to them for winter vacation or ask what I'm doing over the summer. How do you explain why you can't make plans now without giving away the situation?
(and on a lesser degree, what do you do when they want to make plans a certain day but you have a date then, but dont want to admit it)

Gayil

Dating Maven

Posts: 63
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Post Re: how to excuse yourself
on: December 3, 2013, 8:21 PM

If its winter or summer vaca u cud just say in a joking way... I dont know whats gonna b in 2 months!?!!!;)

sem613

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: how to excuse yourself
on: December 3, 2013, 9:18 PM

so its really only a month till winter, and remember if they dont know that I'm dating now, what can be in a month? and nothing will happen by the summer if I start in Feb.

princessch-
arming

Dater

Posts: 29
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Post Re: how to excuse yourself
on: December 3, 2013, 11:39 PM

when you say "dating", do you mean "dating a specific boy" or "in the parsha and open to suggestions"?

sem613

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: how to excuse yourself
on: December 4, 2013, 7:18 AM

as in not all my friends know I'm in the parsha and getting suggestions

Princess-
Lea

Dating Pro

Posts: 223
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Post Re: how to excuse yourself
on: December 4, 2013, 9:59 AM

Always keep it vague. In terms of long term, just say, "I can't commit so far ahead." As for a certain day, "I don't think I can make it."

If they are sensitive, they'll leave it at that. If they push, just keep saying that you can't make it. It isn't polite of them to pry.

Additionally, this is only going to be a temporary problem, since if you are dating but your friends aren't it's more of an age issue; they'll be starting soon themselves, and then they'll be giving you all sorts of vagueness.

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: how to excuse yourself
on: December 4, 2013, 5:49 PM

so funny cuz i've had this problem a couple of times...i have two friends who come over like every shabbos after the meal through havdalah (no we don't invite them every week...) so if i have a date motzaei shabbos i just tell them not to come that shabbos cuz there's a lot going on and we're rlly busy afterwards. the only thing is sometimes i run off to another state to date and i don't tell them, so if they come over my sister just says that i'm at a friend or that i'm so exhausted that i'm sleeping in my room cuz i had a rlly busy week. usually works 🙂

sem613

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: how to excuse yourself
on: December 4, 2013, 10:36 PM

princess-lea- yeah ive been being vauge, i just feel awkward about it, but i guess thats what I'll do.
its also hard cuz these are close friends who used to know e/t about my life, but this is the exeption.
and true about it being temporary, but it ended up with a wacky situation where i got ahead in school so im thinking more to the future, but true, iyH they will catch up

chyakie- i would totally hve that problem if i ever went out motzei shabbos, but BH i rarely do cuz most boys dont feel like shleping out to my hometown and prefer doing it from the bigger town where I go to school

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: how to excuse yourself
on: December 8, 2013, 12:40 PM

yeah that's another thing. a lot of my good friends are younger than me. i mean, we were in hs together, you know when i was a senior they were freshies. so that also makes a diff, cuz my freshies, we used to talk abt things all the time, but now they just got back from sem, and altho two girls in their class are already married, i don't feel the need to share my dating life with them. i usually share my stories way after the fact. like i went to NY to date and i didn't tell my friends till after it was over for a few weeks. cuz i know they know i'm dating, i just don't tell them as it's happening. they like it cuz now they're in the parsha so they look to me for advice/opinions.

sem613

Dating Maven

Posts: 134
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Post Re: how to excuse yourself
on: December 31, 2013, 10:37 AM

so BH all my friends who were sticky about this are finally starting shidduchim! not that theyre activly dating, but theyre trying to find out info, which means theyre just asking me straight out, and I feel like once theyre at this point I have less problem wiht giving them answers. and theyre also starting to realize that theres a certain amount of privacy in the topic.

and chaykie- about younger friends- i find im more open in general with my younger friends, especially the ones who are in seminary now, since theyre hearing all about it, but so confused. but they dont hear anything about specific dates from me ever, just the general, yeah im dating, and this is what you need to figure out to do that

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