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Author Topic: How to Deal With Parents
LuvAhuva

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Posts: 62
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Post How to Deal With Parents
on: April 26, 2013, 5:30 PM

Ok so lately things have been getting a little tense with the parents! I usually get along with them really well and I did even as a teenager! Now things are totally dead with shidduchim and have been for quite some time and it's starting to get to then! I'm out of the house most of the day so bh I don't have to deal with it but on weekends when I'm home I could go crazy! They're telling me everything I'm doing wrong and that I'm too picky and I shut down suggestions before they even start etc etc (mainly my mother) I really try not to get mad but they are making it sooooo hard for me! I know they mean well they were always supportive of everything but now I'm losing it! I feel like they just want me married and they don't care about the way I feel! Kinda like in ongoing story when Dina's mother makes her go out with divorced guy and her mother tells her she's always so pessimistic, just because she states a real true fact! I am not pessimistic I just try to think abt the whole picture and in the past my theories abt diff boys had proven to be right! Plus almost ALL ofmy friends are married and it pains my mother i think more than it pains me every time another friends gets engaged! Any suggestions on how to navigate through this? Thanks! I am not overly sensitive btw!

patcha

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Post Re: How to Deal With Parents
on: April 26, 2013, 5:41 PM

I feel like they just want me married and they don't care about the way I feel!

Did you tell them that?

LuvAhuva

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Post Re: How to Deal With Parents
on: April 26, 2013, 5:44 PM

Yes! But they say its not true .... It happens to be I did say no to the few guys I went out with but I always had a valid reason and everyone agreed with me

iThink

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Post Re: How to Deal With Parents
on: April 26, 2013, 6:13 PM

LuvAhuva- I wish I couldn't relate as much as I do, but unfortunately I also feel sometimes like my parents are more desperate than I am! As for suggestions, I personally try to remember that this is a difficult experience for them as well. They so badly want to see their daughter happily married, and sometimes they forget that right now we need them to believe in our judgement, to let us listen to our heart when it tells us that a shidduch is not for us. They forget that it could hurt us when we start wondering whether we're the only ones left who actually want to be happily married, and every else just wants us married, period. They forget how badly we need to see that they are calm and confident that Hashem will send the right one in just a little bit, especially on days when we're struggling to remember that!

When I tell myself that they're struggling too and don't mean to hurt me, it at least takes away the anger, but it still can hurt...I try my best to remember that this is just part of the fun, and yes, whenever possible I do try to explain that certain comments are not very helpful...

cool nerd

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Post Re: How to Deal With Parents
on: May 1, 2013, 9:31 PM

My mother was like that too for a long time. Until a few of her friends' daughters got divorced. I guess she realized you're better off waiting for the right guy than marrying the first guy (out of fear that you'll never get married).

Some people learn from experience which I wouldn't wish on anyone. Others have to hear it from a third party. LuvAhuva, maybe try to get someone to talk to them. If they realize that you're not the only one that feels this way, it might convince them to back off somewhat.

basmelech

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Post Re: How to Deal With Parents
on: May 12, 2013, 5:33 PM

Yes i definitely know what you mean about pressure. Imagine being the oldest grandchild on both sides! The pressure is on!!!!! (to put it mildly) 😉

life123

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Post Re: How to Deal With Parents
on: May 12, 2013, 11:34 PM

I'm also the oldest on both sides... BH there are only boys after me for a while! Hatzlacha!

iThink

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Post Re: How to Deal With Parents
on: May 13, 2013, 4:45 PM

Well in our family, the 4th grandchild got engaged a little while ago, and the three oldest ones are still single. I think it was harder for my mother to deal with her (considerably) younger sister marrying off a child first. Personally I didn't care much, but maybe it's because I'm not at all close with that cousin...

feigy123

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Post Re: How to Deal With Parents
on: May 14, 2013, 5:49 PM

Quote from patcha on April 26, 2013, 5:41 PM

I feel like they just want me married and they don't care about the way I feel!

Did you tell them that?

Sari

Dating Maven

Posts: 181
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Post Re: How to Deal With Parents
on: May 17, 2013, 6:35 PM

oish luvahuvah my heart goes out to you! We just have to realize that it's sometimes harder for our parents then it is for us!!!
It's like a Vort I wants heard that Chazal say that Sarah died when she heard that Yitzchok was going to the Akaida, so why is it that Avraham was able to not only know about the Akaida but actually bring Yitzchok to the Akaida byt Sarah as soon as she heard about it she died?
So the answer is that this was Avraham's Nisayon so Hashem gave him the Kochos to handle the Nisayon but this wasn't Sara's Nisayon so she didn't have the extra Kochos that it took in order to handle the Nisayon.

laykay

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Post Re: How to Deal With Parents
on: May 19, 2013, 11:08 AM

Wow that's really nice sari! It makes so much sense that hashem gives special koach to the person going directly through the nisayon but not necessarily to the people who are just effected by it and it might end up being harder for them. I think also when a kid in a family get sick rachmana litzlan alot of times the parents deal with it much better than the siblings even older ones... It's same idea.

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