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Author Topic: Visit a dating coach
dance4ever

Dating Maven

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Post Visit a dating coach
on: February 18, 2013, 9:56 AM

first of all- if you have some extra $ to spare, i recommend speaking to a frum dating coach- most girls have a problem with the fakeness of the whole dating setup- you may not even realize that you are reacting to that. i spoke to one recently before a first date- and it was entirely different experience.

atararox

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 18, 2013, 2:32 PM

Can u please share a little bit of what you learned? Sounds interesting!!

dancer90

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 18, 2013, 6:53 PM

yes it is soooo fake. wud love to hear how we can see past all the fakeness early on!

heyhey

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 18, 2013, 7:08 PM

What do you mean by fake?

what's the difference btwn. therapist and dating coach.???

iThink

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 18, 2013, 11:20 PM

Yeah, what's the difference between the two? Anyone?

BaisYaakov-
Maidel

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 18, 2013, 11:24 PM

I havnt been to either, but i would guess that a dating coach is a TYPE of therapist... who specializes in dating tips, and helps ppl feel more comfortable with dating and everything along those lines..

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 18, 2013, 11:39 PM

A dating coach is not a therapist. If I had to compare it to something, I would compare a dating coach to a life coach rather than a therapist. A therapist helps someone work through personal issues and sometimes mental illness. A dating coach, I would assume, helps someone with dating issues specifically. Perhaps if they are approaching it the wrong way or whatever they help them date more successfully.

dance4ever

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 18, 2013, 11:40 PM

heyhey- fake meaning- its a blind date with so called "rules", not like meeting someone in a natural setting, say a party.
for e/o else- one tip: while on the date- DO NOT think about marrriage or shidduchim- that makes you space out, lose your focus and prevents you from being a good listener. Its harder than you think it is 🙂

iThink

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 18, 2013, 11:43 PM

Quote from thinkingBYgirl on February 18, 2013, 11:39 PM
A dating coach is not a therapist. If I had to compare it to something, I would compare a dating coach to a life coach rather than a therapist. A therapist helps someone work through personal issues and sometimes mental illness. A dating coach, I would assume, helps someone with dating issues specifically. Perhaps if they are approaching it the wrong way or whatever they help them date more successfully.

Still not clear on the difference. A therapist helps you work through personal issues, and the dating coach helps you with dating issues. Sounds like a therapist with a specialty.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 18, 2013, 11:48 PM

Nope. I guess a therapist could help you with dating issues, but a dating coach can't help you with personal issues. The difference is the therapist will explore with you why you have these issues, etc. A therapist lets the client do most of the work. The dating coach, I'm assuming, is more about coaching. It's less about exploring why things are the way they are, but, "tachlis, dating is like this, and so this is how you should approach it. You have such and such issue, this is how you should get around that." A therapist would help you explore why you have the issue and how you can change. The work is more intense.

bitachon

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 19, 2013, 5:20 PM

Quote from dancer90 on February 18, 2013, 6:53 PM
yes it is soooo fake. wud love to hear how we can see past all the fakeness early on!

ok so nu let us in on the things u learned
ur not really convincing us...

feigy123

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 19, 2013, 5:34 PM

Despite that I've called it fake in the past, I don't really think it is so fake.

I don't act fakely on dates; I act as myself when I am on a date. The circumstances determine the appropriate conduct, and the same way you don't do cutesy things with your male co-workers because you don't want a relationship, you do do cutesy things with your date because you do want a relationship.

I don't find it fake to sit and talk with a stranger for 3 hours. It depends on the circumstances. If I pass someone on the street, I don't shoot the breeze with them for 3 hours. But if it is someone I am trying to get to know (say, a new sister in law), then I would. I am trying to build a relationship with the guy, so that is what it is normal to do.

Just what are y'all doing that is so fake?

To respond to dance4ever, maybe I feel this way because I don't hold by the rules, as I've noted before.

atararox

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 19, 2013, 6:05 PM

i think they just mean that its fake in the sense that everyone is on their best behavior and sitting and smiling and nodding even when in your head you are counting down the seconds left untill you can be home in your warm cozy bed away from this creature (weve all been there)
and like the whole atmosphere of a date can be awkward and just not comfortable.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 19, 2013, 6:11 PM

I wouldn't say "fake" per se, but in my opinion it isn't quite authentic. It's a very focused process that does follow a semblance of rules. Whether these "rules" are just societal expectations and do not dictate how you approach dating, you have to admit that many times there really isn't much room for just being the everyday you. For sure for the first couple of dates you want to appear your best. The same way a job interview is "fake," meaning unnatural, with you dressing professionally and putting on your best front, dating for marriage is "fake."

feigy123

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 19, 2013, 6:16 PM

Quote from atararox on February 19, 2013, 6:05 PM
i think they just mean that its fake in the sense that everyone is on their best behavior and sitting and smiling and nodding even when in your head you are counting down the seconds left untill you can be home in your warm cozy bed away from this creature (weve all been there)
and like the whole atmosphere of a date can be awkward and just not comfortable.

I haven't been there.

Quote from thinkingBYgirl on February 19, 2013, 6:11 PM
I wouldn't say "fake" per se, but in my opinion it isn't quite authentic. It's a very focused process that does follow a semblance of rules. Whether these "rules" are just societal expectations and do not dictate how you approach dating, you have to admit that many times there really isn't much room for just being the everyday you. For sure for the first couple of dates you want to appear your best. The same way a job interview is "fake," meaning unnatural, with you dressing professionally and putting on your best front, dating for marriage is "fake."

Yes, a job interview is a good analogy. And that is what it is like. So I suppose you can call it fake, and I'll call it real under the circumstances.

But inasmuch as we agree it is real under the circumstances, I don't know what the problem is.

More likely, everyone just needs to learn too act real under the circumstances. Don't say things you don't mean; don't do things you don't want to do.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 19, 2013, 6:31 PM

I'm inclined to agree with you.

Quote from feigy123 on February 19, 2013, 6:16 PM
So I suppose you can call it fake, and I'll call it real under the circumstances.

Semantics perhaps. Yet, the date itself is as you say "real under the circumstances," but the whole process is still less genuine than that. Outside of frum society there isn't this whole process of checking into a potential date, meeting with a blind date, etc. etc. It is this process and these expectations that contribute to this "fakeness."

dance4ever

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 20, 2013, 6:09 PM

i looooove talking to strangers- people have such interesting lives and i love to hear all about them, their families their goals... however, dating is NOT just talking to a stranger. it is talking to a stranger that is judging every word you say, how you look, walk, talk, and there is tonz of pressure!! I think thats why people dont act completely themselves. its hard to be natural when the spotlight is on you. thats why it is so important to pretend you are NOT on a date! that way, the pressure fades and your best self emerges.

bitochon25

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: February 20, 2013, 7:38 PM

You're right.When you're on a date your being judged of ever word you say. For that reason most people are nervous on a first date. It's perfectly normal since you don't know the guy so well. The more comfortable you get the less nervous you are, less pressure you'll feel. So don't pretend your not on a date. You are.
Hatzlocha!

Rivka1

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: November 6, 2013, 11:32 PM

How much does it cost to go to a dating coach? Can anyone recommend a good one in Brooklyn?

Rivka1

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: November 11, 2013, 8:02 PM

Anyone?

Rivka1

Dater

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Post Re: Visit a dating coach
on: November 11, 2013, 8:03 PM

Did anyone ever hear of Elana Kahan??

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