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Author Topic: Loving Life
scru

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Post Loving Life
on: February 12, 2014, 1:49 PM

Please help. I hear people say and describe others all the time using the words, "she loves life!" or "I love life!" It always hits me with a pang. When I was younger, I also loved life. Now, there's so much struggle and challenge, that I find it hard to 'love' life. I wish those words would describe me! I know that every challenge is a blessing, and there is so much that you can constantly be grateful for.... I listened to tons of shiurim and read tons on the topic, and understand why loving every minute is essential and how to get there, only practically, I just didn't yet get there, and nothing I try seems to help that feeling last. I would love to hear anything anyone has to say that connects to this topic. Thanks so much!

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Loving Life
on: February 12, 2014, 2:56 PM

Wow, this looks like this is really hard for you.

As for my opinion on how you can "love life," you have to understand that there is also a balance in between. There are three different types of ways to feel/look at life: some people have really hard lives, and some people seem to sail through, but there is also the type of person (and I think most people are like this) who has good days and bad days.

I can see that you are going through some intense challenges, and that is probably tipping the scale on the negative side of the spectrum. However, in a practical sense, if you want to be happier with your life, you can't keep looking at how everyone else (who you believe) "loves life."

You mentioned that people always use the words "she loves life!" Or, "I love life!" Some of these people may really love life, but most people do not spend every day or even most days thinking about how great their life is. Everyone has challenges, but people like to show a happy face to the world. It's not good for shidduchim otherwise... It is likely that these girls are just in a great mood, do have an easy life, or are just being bubbly.

You should try to remember that and not feel so bad - like you said "it hits you with a pang."

It seems to me that you spend a lot of intellectual energy and time on this subject so it must bother you a lot.

Maybe if you tried not to focus so much on how you wish you were at that level of "loving life," and just lived each day and focus on the minute details of good things that happen, it would be easier to be happy, instead of focusing on the broad picture/feeling that you think is the ideal.

The ideal of life is to grow and learn from your challenges. Look at our Avos and Eimahos - they certainly did not have easy lives, and I doubt that they would say that they "loved life," but look who they are! (*Yaakov cried for years after Yosef was sold...) Look what they became! Maaseh Avos siman libanim... We go through challenges too, and our job is to focus on growing from them and staying strong.

You said that you know "loving every minute of life is essential." I don't think that is true though. How can anyone?
You don't have to love life, and I know that sounds crazy, but just focus on how strong you have become and are continuing to become from all of your challenges! Even the ones that seem insurmountable.

(*That's not to say that I think it's okay for someone to be depressed or unhappy most of the time... Like I said, try to find a balance...)

There is a quote, "Everything is good in the end. If it's not good, it's not the end yet." (I think by Rebbetzin Jungreis) Isn't that powerful?!

The girls who "love life" don't have the zechuyos and strength that you gained because of your challenges!!

And just remember, no one always loves life, however much they appear to. It is a good ideal, but not one that should make you despair if you feel that you have not attained it.

Hatzlacha! I hope things become easier for you, and that you find it easy to grow and love life!

scru

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Post Re: Loving Life
on: February 12, 2014, 4:46 PM

Wow, trytodowhatsright, you are so intuitive! You told me just what I needed to hear, right now. I really appreciate your detailed, inspiring and thoughtful post!

TryToDoWha-
tsRight

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Post Re: Loving Life
on: February 12, 2014, 6:32 PM

My pleasure! 😀 I'm so happy I could help!

T.C.S.

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Post Re: Loving Life
on: February 17, 2014, 5:20 AM

Just wanted to add a bit about what was said above and thank you trytodowhatsright for your amazing words!!:)

I have learned through life, that just because its hard for you and you are complaining, doesn't mean that you have a lack of Emuna.
I used to feel soooo guilty everytime I would brake into tears and just be upset at my whole situations (you know...Shidduchim and all could drive a person MAD!!!!!!!), thinking to myself : why am complaining- this is from Hashem and it IS good for me so stop being such a baby and so sensetive.
And then one of my close friends taught me that a person IS allowed to feel down and its Ok to feel sometimes upset and it doesnt mean that you dont have Emuna! it just means that you are a Live and Felling person!!
and Hashem loves all of us no matter what!!

Good Luck with Everything!!!;)

scru

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Post Re: Loving Life
on: February 17, 2014, 7:08 PM

You are so right, T.C.S!

We discussed this in seminary. We spoke about how a person will feel down & sad sometimes. It's normal, as life gives every person up days & down days, like a see-saw. What matters is what you do AFTER your good cry. If you move on, or wallow in self-pity. That determines if the cry was beneficial or not. Give a good cry, and move on. On the other hand, pushing aside feelings, usually causes them to remain inside of you and often doesn't allow you to continue making smart/correct choices...

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! I would love to hear additional responses to the original question, as I see each person has her own wisdom that can inspire many...Looking forward to hearing from more of you:)

Thanks!!!!

chaykie

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Post Re: Loving Life
on: February 17, 2014, 7:57 PM

wow whoever responded- kudos to you guyz! you are such caring and sensitive people- may those attributes take you very far in life!

scru, i'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time with difficult emotions. That is so hard. I must say, I'm one of those girls who "loves life!" and i do- i really, really do. but i'm also really, really human. i have up days and down days. and ttdwr is right- I'm not focused all the time on how much i love life and how great life is. Things happen, and when you are in a heated moment, it's hard to focus on how wonderful life is. This may sound strange, but i wonder if it's even healthy to focus on it so much when going thru difficult times- if focusing on it too much causes you to disregard your true feelings. That's not healthy. (sorry if that's confusing...). I am actually currently going thru a difficult situation myself. this difficult situation, i've written abt it elsewhere on this website, is a friendship gone sour, so so sour. It's painful, hurtful, makes me very sad sometimes (especially cuz i see this ex-friend almost every single day). But you know what- I really try hard to realize that that is but one aspect of my life. B"H i have a loving family, we are healthy, I have other friends, a job I love, co workers i really enjoy working with, I have a nice bedroom to chill in, a shiur to go to on sunday nights with tons of girls- so much to be thankful for! it took me a long time to get this feeling down pat, and it still needs to be worked on. I'm not a malach. But i do have so so much to be thankful for, even with this difficult situation that I'm going thru. I have so much to smile for! That doesn't take away the pain, but it certainly makes my face look prettier 🙂 seriously- when you see ppl who are all smiley, it's because they don't let their difficult situations/challenges seep into other parts of their life. everyone has challenges. but not everyone is walking around with a frown on their face. It's really really hard, i'll admit. It really is. I'll tell you something I heard recently- I haven't tried it myself, but it doesn't hurt to try. set aside 10 minutes a day where you focus on what's bothering you, what's difficult for you- really focus on it for those 10 minutes. but after that 10 minutes is up- that's it. the rest of the day is for happy thoughts and life. this way you are giving your challenges/difficulties/emotions the attention they need- but you aren't dwelling on them unnecessarily. i'd also suggest, if you feel it's effecting many areas of your life, speak to someone. a teacher/mentor/therapist you feel comfortable with. I am. Even tho I'm one of those smiley girls, I'm speaking to a psychologist about the pain I'm in. Know one would guess i am, but you know what? it doesn't make you a nebach or a baby or anything like that if you speak to someone. it doesn't mean you're weak. it means you're strong for admitting you want to get your emotions in check. You never know who can bring you peace. try it out. Sorry so long, and sorry if not on target or just not helpful. I really feel for you and only want to help! hatzlacha- i'm thinking of you!

basmelech

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Post Re: Loving Life
on: February 17, 2014, 10:41 PM

Wow so inspiring! : ) Its interesting about what you said scru. That people say "she loves life". Do they really know their inner struggles? Im described as easygoing. People say I love kids. Do they really know? It takes a lot of effort for me. I work on being easygoing and loving being with kids a lot requires patience which b"H im developing. We are all a work in progress. Everyone struggles. Like it says ( dont know the source) every day the yetzer hara is brand new with new challenges that we can overcome. "We just have to do our best ( hishtadlus) and H-shem will do the rest (Emuna)" 🙂
Cause we cant do more than our best 🙂

daysfan24

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Post Re: Loving Life
on: February 23, 2014, 8:38 PM

Chaykie- I totally hear where you're coming from. I think you gave excellent advice, as so did everyone else. I'm the same way described. I think everyone has described as me someone who " loves life". And I do, I really love life, I enjoy it every single moment. During this time period, esp. with shidduchim it is so hard, I constantly complain about it, get depressed about it. But I put up a front when I'm with others, I rather people see that I'm happy as oppose to upset. But, I think it comes down to is, is that everyone enjoys life, it is meant to make you happy. Of course, not EVERYTHING is going to make you happy, especially your nisyonos. There are comes a point, where your more happier than other times. And I can't exactly give an answer as to how to " love life" better. But, there are good times and there are bad times. We just gotta really enjoy them when their really really good and be really grateful when they do happen.

scru

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Post Re: Loving Life
on: March 5, 2014, 4:16 PM

Thank you so much, chaykie, basmelech & daysfan24, I love the way each of you brought your own experiences and wisdom to the topic at hand. you are all amazing, and I appreciate your care and inspiring thoughts, thanks!

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