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Author Topic: Worst Advice
pray today

Dating Maven

Posts: 168
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Post Worst Advice
on: June 27, 2013, 3:00 PM

What's the worst dating advice you ever received?

s.

Dating Maven

Posts: 66
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Post Re: Worst Advice
on: June 27, 2013, 8:44 PM

lol...i guess mine would be:
"do not talk hashkafa until the third date"
i know what people mean by this, but I still think that it makes for pretty shallow conversation for the first two dates, and by the time you get to the third date, it's hard to get back onto a more serious kind of note, and you kind of lost that nice feel of connecting over important things- youre just not really in a place to do that anymore.

princessch-
arming

Dater

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Post Re: Worst Advice
on: June 27, 2013, 9:13 PM

I agree but I would still say to wait till the second because by the first you should just focus on personality. The truth is that every boy is different, sometimes hashkafa just comes up without you even trying to bring it up. Just try to have natural conversation and let it flow instead of forcing or avoiding certain topics.

I think my worst dating advice was to act as if you are sitting next to a new girl that you just met because the fact is that you are dating a boy with potential for marriage so no matter how hard you try, it aint gonna be the same!! 🙂

s.

Dating Maven

Posts: 66
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Post Re: Worst Advice
on: June 29, 2013, 4:56 PM

hmm..yeah, well anyway i dont mean to sit and discuss lemaisa like "so how many years do you want to learn?" or "so what do you want your shabbos table to look like?" but just like, if you naturally enjoy discussing hashkafic topics, then dont stifle that just because its a "first date". anyway, baruch hashem, ive found that the kind of guys ive been going out with are usually also happy to discuss those kind of things, so its really been fine ..

and youre right, its never going to be the same as a girl! but i think what people mean is dont get too hyper-focused on the fact that he is a B.O.Y. and instead try to relate to him as a whole person..

feigy123

Dating Coach

Posts: 553
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Post Re: Worst Advice
on: June 30, 2013, 2:30 AM

Be yourself.

I mean, seriously? How is that helpful? It's like saying "be human".

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: Worst Advice
on: June 30, 2013, 8:24 AM

Well, being human is a dealbreaker for me. So it's very important.

feigy123

Dating Coach

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Post Re: Worst Advice
on: June 30, 2013, 11:21 AM

Quote from patcha on June 30, 2013, 8:24 AM
Well, being human is a dealbreaker for me. So it's very important.

Even more reason why someone shouldn't pretend to be human.

patcha

Dating Coach

Posts: 445
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Post Re: Worst Advice
on: June 30, 2013, 9:01 PM

Quote from feigy123 on June 30, 2013, 11:21 AM

Quote from patcha on June 30, 2013, 8:24 AM
Well, being human is a dealbreaker for me. So it's very important.

Even more reason why someone shouldn't pretend to be human.

Precisely. Or someone other than themselves. 🙂

chaykie

Dating Coach

Posts: 466
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Post Re: Worst Advice
on: July 1, 2013, 6:50 PM

The worst dating advice i ever got is from friends who are engaged, and think that just because they are engaged, they are now so experienced and they can give me all the advice that they see fit. I hate that. Everyone is different, and everyones dating life is different. Dating is an individual thing and friends are not the ppl to get advice from. That's why I use a dating coach or mentor, they have much more experience in this area, and they won't try to pretend they know exactly what you want/need just because they want to feel good about themselves. They've been dealing with this for years and have real experience, and lots of it. Recently a really good friend of mind became a Kallah (to top it all off she's also a social worker...) and she suddenly started giving me all this unasked for advice...uch.

thinkingBY-
girl

Dating Coach

Posts: 607
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Post Re: Worst Advice
on: July 1, 2013, 8:00 PM

True, chaykie. I think people need to keep in mind that everyone's experiences are different. Just because someone is engaged/married does not lend her expertise in giving dating advice. Sometimes the worst advice comes from those engaged/marrieds. Also, be wary of taking dating advice from a fellow single friend.

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