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Author Topic: AHHHAHA
Shaindy

Dating Maven

Posts: 67
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Post AHHHAHA
on: April 7, 2013, 8:21 PM

OMG this was so awkward I'm blushing as I write this. So I went out with this guy for a loooong time and then I said no, it was a very hard decision for me but finally got over it. Anyway I am on a date with another guy (finally!) and my date runs out to go to the bathroom and guess who is right behind me in line well you guessed it was you know who. So anyway it's like very quiet and we keep catching each others eyes and like after what felt like too long of silence he says to me and I quote "so how are your parents?" AHHHAHa

Esther

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 7, 2013, 8:28 PM

I'm blushing just reading this! Whoa - what on earth did you say? I must say I find it pretty funny that he came up with asking about your parents! Did your date come back when you were shmoozing with him? Yikes!

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 7, 2013, 9:29 PM

Lol, awkward turtle. It's mostly embarrassing because you guys didn't know how to handle bumping into each other. 🙂 I've bumped into former dates before (guys that I have stories with), some situations more awkward than the next. But, it is possible for it not to be awkward, even with someone you previously dated for awhile, if you handle it correctly.

Sari

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 7, 2013, 10:10 PM

Quote from thinkingBYgirl on April 7, 2013, 9:29 PM
But, it is possible for it not to be awkward, even with someone you previously dated for awhile, if you handle it correctly.

What's the correct way to handle it???? I always feel so weird ignoring them! I once even told a guy on a date if I we break up and I ignore you it's nothing personal. 🙁

iThink

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 7, 2013, 10:44 PM

Omg why would you ignore him? You know him, right? So deal with it the same way you would with meeting anyone else you know that you're not interested in schmoozing with.

You: Hi how're you?
Him: Hi, good BH, u?
You: BH. Polite smile. Move on.

Since you're both happy to be over with the awkwardness ASAP the whole thing should take like two seconds. Then if you want you can freak out about it later on in shidduchim . com

feigy123

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 8, 2013, 9:37 AM

Quote from iThink on April 7, 2013, 10:44 PM
Omg why would you ignore him? You know him, right? So deal with it the same way you would with meeting anyone else you know that you're not interested in schmoozing with.

You: Hi how're you?
Him: Hi, good BH, u?
You: BH. Polite smile. Move on.

Since you're both happy to be over with the awkwardness ASAP the whole thing should take like two seconds. Then if you want you can freak out about it later on in shidduchim . com

Really? I don't agree with that. I would ignore him and expect him to ignore me.

For the same reason that I don't continue to be friends with him after we break up--because we don't want to have a relationship. So I treat it that we don't have a relationship.

And for the record, when I meet people I know that I "know I'm not interested in shmoozing with"--I ignore them. I think it's more polite than saying hello and then blowing them off.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 8, 2013, 1:01 PM

Interesting perspective. I think it's incredibly rude to ignore someone, especially someone you know (and are not interested in talking to). It's rude to ignore anyone, be it a casual acquaintance or a guy you dated...especially a guy that you dated for awhile. It doesn't have to be a big conversation, just a polite head nod or smile to acknowledge him. (The same type of thing you would do if you crossed paths with anyone, even a complete stranger.) With a guy that you've dated for awhile, there's a whole other level too. Yes, it didn't work out, and you're not friends, are not interested in a relationship with him post break-up, because there's no room for that in the frum realm (shidduch dating is about marriage), but you still shared something and probably know a lot about each other. Hence, it may be awkward to bump into him months or years later, because of the nature of your (non) relationship, but it's also hurtful to just ignore what was. When you fail to acknowledge someone, you're ignoring his existence. This was someone who you spent a lot of time with and perhaps one or both of you thought there was potential for marriage. You're really going to pretend he doesn't exist?

feigy123

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 8, 2013, 2:00 PM

I think what you're advocating is passive aggression and what I'm advocating is actual aggression.

I prefer actual aggression over passive any day.

iThink

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 8, 2013, 2:11 PM

I'm having trouble thinking of anyone I know or once knew that deserves to be ignored. Even people who I feel really awkward around. I think it's just wrong.

thinkingBY-
girl

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 8, 2013, 4:29 PM

Quote from feigy123 on April 8, 2013, 2:00 PM
I think what you're advocating is passive aggression and what I'm advocating is actual aggression.

I prefer actual aggression over passive any day.

Uh, passive aggressive in what way exactly? An acknowledgement of someone is not passive aggressive. It's the polite thing to do. Why do you feel that you have to strike up a full-blown conversation with everyone you meet? There isn't resentment or negative feeling here that you're passively expressing when you simply nod or smile. You're just not initiating conversation because like you said, you're not friends with the guy you broke up with (the society we live in doesn't leave room for guys and girls to be casual friends).

feigy123

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 8, 2013, 5:22 PM

Maybe I'm wrong. Just the way you said "So deal with it the same way you would with meeting anyone else you know that you're not interested in schmoozing with."
It seems passive aggressive to me to say hello to someone which acknowledges you have a reason to say hello, and then ignore them.

iThink

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Post Re: AHHHAHA
on: April 8, 2013, 7:14 PM

Quote from feigy123 on April 8, 2013, 5:22 PM
Maybe I'm wrong. Just the way you said "So deal with it the same way you would with meeting anyone else you know that you're not interested in schmoozing with."
It seems passive aggressive to me to say hello to someone which acknowledges you have a reason to say hello, and then ignore them.

That's interesting, I never thought of it like that. There are plenty of people that I either don't know well enough to shmooze with or for whatever reason don't feel comfortable doing so, and I still say hello. The fact that I know them and they know me is reason enough, and it always made perfect sense to me to leave it at that without continuing on to talk. I certainly never looked at is as ignoring them.

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